Not so Dead Zone

It is interesting that I have had a lot of discussions about death lately (and NO it is not from any of our work outs!!) Buddy Roger's mom is sick, my girlfriend's dad has pancreatic cancer, another girlfriend's mom died last week, buddy Ken has lost loved ones lately, and I am a Hospice volunteer...my patients usually don't see another 6 months... We even discussed death at office hours last night. Just shows you that it is a real part of life.

Obviously, I am often surrounded by death and I have been for years...losing friends and family many times in my life so far. But it was the death of my mother, almost two decades after my father, that gave me my understanding of it.

I won't go too deep into my reasons for joining Hospice. Suffice it to say that I think that someone's death is a very sacred and important time in their life. Unless the death is sudden, the time that someone is approaching their death is ALL about them. I am honored that I get to spend final days with people. Regardless of how they handle these days, this is the time that they are most human... most humble, most fragile, most alive... Some times I wonder if the grueling long runs that we do are my version of coming as close as possible (in a healthy way!) of feeling these feelings of human fragility and strength.

Fragility and strength... hummmm... aren't these the deep qualities of love???

My other understanding of death came when my mother followed my father in death and I was left an "orphan." My family is small and other than a niece, nephew, daughter, and granddaughter, I only have two living sisters. They are older than me so that puts me 3rd "in line" on the end of life scale. All these things kinda make you wonder about your mortality. It makes you wonder what your own life has been about. It can make you feel small and alone...until you realize that your daughter has your eyes or your friends use one of your favorite sayings or your students talk about traveling the world... and then you see your immortality right in front of you!

And I thought of this. And I realized that my parents (and others I had lost) were not dead either. All of those that touched my life were all inside of me (and by this were passed on to others.) I am the greatest gift to them because I do not let them die. And they are the greatest gift to me because they have made me who I am.

I will be running (I think!!) the Palo Duro 50K this weekend. I will call on my mother for stubborness and my father for humor. I will run on their merits and live on their strengths. I will just add a little of my own chutzpah on the gifts that they gave me (and continue to give me.) And then, I will come home and tell EVERYONE all about my adventure. Ahhhh, immortality... ain't it grand??