I have a goal...

So I went to Steve's office hours on Tuesday. This was fun. Lots of folks were there (10 at my last count) and I hated to leave although it was my granddaughter's last swim lesson for the season and I had to go watch! Everyone was pumped about CIM and I think a little surprised (amused, bewildered) when I asked Steve, "Well, I guess I really need a goal at this point...ideas?" Yeah, we are a week out at this point. No, I do not think this is how things should be done. I was relieved that Steve told me (and the dumbfounded listeners) that CIM was not my "A" race. First of all, it made me feel like less of an idiot and secondly, it made me more determined to listen to my coach (whether I like it or not.) Glad I went to office hours.

So my goal time of 3:40 (which Steve agreed to because my training buddies are aiming for this) is actually faster than he planned for me and slower than I planned for me. I planned on 3:30 (20 min less than my original plan) and he planned on under 4:00. Wow... a 30 minute difference of opinion. So we talked and bantered and finally he came up with 3:45, which got shortened to 3:40 so I could hang with my buddies. Of course, to this, Steve added that I would be lucky to do this AND I was NOT to even think of trying to speed up until mile 20. An 8:20 pace for 20 miles. ok....

So, I thought about this for a day or two. Did Steve tell me this to get under my skin and make me want to prove him wrong?? Was this supposed to make me frustrated so I would try harder? Hmmmmm. Or, was he trying desparately to coach me? Is this my chance to show him that I really can listen? That I am indeed coachable?? I deliberated for a long time.

And I came up with this. Steve knows my personality. He knows that this is likely to piss me off so I run as hard as I can. He has seen this side of me. He has also told me repeatedly lately that I do not listen. I know that he likes athletes that take responsibility for themselves but I also know that running stupid frustrates him. He IS the coach. Perhaps I should prove to him that I can listen. It doesn't mean that I have to do it all the time but shouldn't I show that I can also be a good "student?" Shouldn't I make it more desirable to put time and effort into his coaching me?

Steve tells me that I will likely never run a 3 hour marathon. Maybe not, but this pisses me off. It pisses me off enough to cloud my judgment at times. I am not young and I am an inexperienced runner. I do not have time to waste in pissing matches with my coach. My chances of coming as close as possible to this goal in my lifetime (not next week!!!!!) lie in my ability to run smart. I already know that I can suffer...this is a non issue. It is focus and concentration that is my weakness. And I believe I need to learn this. I believe that Steve (and my Team Rogue buddies) can help me learn this. This is my only chance to run my best... show my coach that I can be more... and show myself that I can earn a goal by something other than a hard head and an ability to ignore pain.

So, my goal is out there for all to see. It is in print for me to see. Am I a coachable athlete? Is it so hard to stay at a prescribed pace for 20 miles? Is it possible for me to turn OFF the greyhound and turn on the brain? I look at this as having to swallow my pride. Why is this? What difference does 10 or 15 minutes really make? And yet, my running buddies know. I guess that is why I don't feel quite so stupid writing this down. My goal is to show my coach that I trust his judgment. My goal is to qualify for Boston (4:05) and to stay at my prescribed pace for 20 miles... more or less after this. Aren't we supposed to learn to have a negative split here? Isn't my goal to be a team player if I am a member of our cool team? Isn't my goal to be a good runner if I am spending time and dollars each month to learn how to do this? My goal is to stick to my goal.

• 3:40 pace group to the 20 mile marker. (CHECK)
• Qualify for Boston. (CHECK)
• Listen to the coach. (CHECK)
• FOCUS

This may be the hardest one that I have done yet...

Learning

My legs were tired today...no excuse, I did not run yesterday. I think that may have been my problem. I should have run yesterday to shake them out. I have been worried about getting sick again. I got over my last sick bout and now my allergies are crazy!! Don't wanna pull all that stuff in my lungs! Anyway, I planned to do my 6 1mile loops at a pace of 7:15 and ended up with 5 of them around 7:00 pace (thanks Jon!!) The one I actually got right was one I totally concentrated on and tried to run more relaxed. Steve has told me that I am bad at maintaining 1oK pace (the do or die attitude again) so I want to try to learn to do it. Why? I dunno. I guess so I can say that I can. And then, who cares? I will most likely run the way I am made to...balls to wall...

I am one who seems to always learn things the hard way. Getting older has perhaps helped somewhat but I still yam what I yam... Focus is so important but so often it eludes me.

There is so much to learn in life that my brain is on constant stimulation overload! I am bombarded everyday with things I do not know or things I do not remember or things I want to rethink or, or, or... Why can't I turn off NPR, google searches, my penchant for Barnes & Noble, ranting, discussions, etc???? I don't feel much smarter than yesterday but I've read, written, debated, and discussed most of my waking hours. I can't wait to start classes at the University in the spring. At least I will HAVE to focus on these. (That all important GPA ya know.)

So, today I ran one of six in the time that I was supposed to. This may seem like a silly thing to be anxious about but I am on a mission (be it ever so slow.) I wanna learn all of the methods that one practises to be a good runner. I wanna learn about my weaknesses so I can overcome them in this decade. That's right. I wanna cut my learning time in half by slowing down.

HUH??? no, no, no... Not slowing down as in "no Boston qualifier." I mean slowing down in the sense of shutting off the extracurricular brain once in awhile and learning to focus.

I am encouraged. I remember a day about 5 years ago (this is kind of embarassing...even worse that I am sure you guys won't be too surprised) that I realized that I could have more than one emotion in a day. Now this may seem stupid (ok, it is stupid) but I really had no concept that you could be happy and sad in the same 24 hours. I just woke up each day and accepted my fate o' the day. Then I figured it out (ok, I went to therapy...haha) and was overjoyed to find out that not only could I have multiple daily emotions but - in being a girl - it was a totally accepted practise! Very, very cool. This means (to me) that I may actually be able to focus on my workout (say running 10K pace) and then still be my same lunatic the rest of the day. Somehow I find that very relieving and uplifting.

Onward through the fog! Focus 101 - and becoming a better...no, wiser...runner.

Awesome!

Yesterday I had the pleasure of driving to San Antonio with John and fellow team Roguer Roger to watch our team mates running in the Rock n Roll Marathon. The parking and viewing opportunities were pretty good and I got to see several of our runners at mile markers 8, 10, 21, and the end.

At 8 and 10 everybody looked pretty fresh and strong. On the drive to mile 21 we had to drop off a specator at mile 16 and we HAD to stop for snacks because we were starving! So...we missed Kevin and Ramon buzzing through but managed to get there to see Kristen come trotting through like a little filly on her way out to play in the pasture. With the exception of Larry and a few others coming by after Kristen, most did not look so chipper. Soon we saw Cheryl coming and I swear she could have been skipping along singing, "la, la, la..." She looked truly like a happy little smurf trucking by. Then Angie appeared with the same easy gait that she had at mile 8. She flashed that same big smile and wave and bebopped on up the road.

We waited a bit longer and got to see many more souls trudging by. I have to say that our team mates looked like A MILLION BUCKS compared to most of the crowd. What a huge inspiration it was to see them looking SO GOOD!! Everyone had terrific times as well so I hope that they are as proud of their performances as I am!! I swear even Steve was walking around all puffed up! And rightfully so! We rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miles To Go

Thirty miles today. Hoo boy...

I haven't posted in a couple to weeks because I was in a bad humor. (yeah, for two weeks) I had been feeling better with my running after such a long time and thinking that I could actually get through all my miles at CIM. Had a 22 and a 24 under my belt with no walking. Then I got sick...just for a week but damn...I took the week off and then ran the next week but felt terrible. Ran with Katie last weekend and could not even go 20, I had to cut it off at 15.

Now, I know that isn't the end of the world but geez...I was so discouraged. I haven't felt good in such a long time that I really wanted to keep that feeling that I was coming through all that. Anyway, I had a really hard time keeping the self pity at bay all week with rough, trudging workouts. whine, whine...

So today I nervously planned to do 27 with my buddies, knowing I could turn around if I needed...and wondering if I could make the longer one of 30. Sure enough my buddies carried me through the whole 27 miles. (Don't ya LOVE our bunch???) And, after downing my 4th GU I decided that I could make the other 3 miles on my own. I left my girls at the turn for home and did my last 3 on my own on the trail and up Waller. 30 miles total. Nerves settled. Confidence re-pumped.

Anyway, today I was AGAIN reminded of how lucky I am that I am a part of such a great group. From how much I missed my work outs when I stayed home, to how sweet everyone was when I came back but was kinda puny, to how running with everyone today kept me motivated. Now, it is time for me to go to bed so I can hit the road to SA in the morning and cheer for more of my fellow Rogue friends...knowing I likely need them more than they need me!!