I was thinking about my Uncle Harry today on the run. The run was hard. I was having issues...what's new, huh???? I got almost to the end of Balcones and just stopped, turned around, and headed home. (yeah, back down Balcones...I am an idiot, what can I say?)
Anyway, back to Harry, my uncle lived in a little cottage in England all covered with vines and basically invisible...even from the front gate. Harry was a scientist and an author (something about semi-micro organic organisms.) He was a very smart dude. But he hid out in his little cottage. We visited some, or he would forget to eat. He was polite but relieved when we got up to go. Harry was sensitive. He fretted over things out of his control. He was completely distraught over the use of the metric system...no scientist in their right mind would do such a thing... So, was Harry in his right mind? Basically, he got tired of living somewhere along in his eighties and starved himself to death (all the delivered dinners were in the fridge and the closet...)
Ok, so as I ran (trotted) back to my car UP and DOWN, UP and DOWN, I was wondering what in the Hell I was doing out there! Why was I running??? I admit. I was thinking that this was ONE thing in my life that I should be able to control! It is just me and the pavement! I buy new shoes (a lot!!) I eat well, try to sleep enough, go to the gym... I have such good friends and such an inspirational group to run with. I chat and blog away to everybody! Yet, it is out of my control.
And that drives me crazy!
I've thought about this...I run because I love to compete. I love to see what I can do. I love to win. With running it is so raw. It isn't about the horse or the tack or the judges... it is about YOU. I like that.
I keep getting passed. I keep fading out. I keep pounding the ground harder and harder. I am out of control... I even considered blowing off Boston this year.
But, right about that time Angie came by and invited me to run the rest of the way in with her. Got to the Springs where my friends were and was unable to hide in my car or run off cause everyone was all chatty. Got to the coffee shop and had a "how are ya" text from Brenda. Guess I will see everyone on Saturday. What the Hell, who needs control?? Livin' on the edge...
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3 comments:
Good post...yup, sometimes you have to let go of being in control, let the run happen as it may (whether you feel awesome or crappy), enjoy the company of your teammates or the solitude of being solo, and just keep on running.
It doesn't seem like you're out of control to me, btw...you do what you need to do to be successful. You show up and run. Part of the joy of running is getting through patches where things don't go the way you want. I'm saying this as someone who constantly chases YOU out there.
Listen to Sadie...she knows what she is talking about!
She has encouraged me to take advantage of good days and survive the bad ones.
One of the things that is obvious from your post is that you care and are passionate about your running. There are so many days I wish I was more "emotional" about my running ... it would make me a better runner and person.
Just give it time Julia, it's great to see you out there.
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