No Whining!!

I am over my limit of melt downs so I decided that I better do something else! The only reasonable thing to do is to take responsibility for myself...dammit... Today's run was another trudger...and I resorted to run / walking for half of the time out there. But, I guess I am now listening LOUD and CLEAR to my body and it is time for a redo on the current plan (again.) And why not? Isn't that how we all ultimately figure this stuff out??

Unlike my last (?????) blogs, this one is not to whine or vent. I am writing mostly to remind myself of what I am doing now and how this feels. If, by some chance, any of this makes a connection to anyone else then consider yourself a compadre and use my struggle to "find my own self" to encourage you to forge your own way. In the words of Gloria Gaynor, "I will survive!"

So today, as with Thursday and most of my runs in the last 6 weeks, was very dragging. I actually couldn't even get going enough today to breathe hard. My feet felt as though I was bogged down in deep mud or that my feet were somehow magnetized to the roadway.

My entire gait has changed. There is no bound or thrust. I only feel my quads working to pull each leg a little forward until the shoe skids along the road to stop with a clunk while the next leg is being heaved forward. I suppose this is heavy legs to the max. So heavy that at times I just HAVE to walk for a minute for fear that the leg isn't gonna pull enough forward to keep from falling on my face.

Why am I sliding back in that "over training" hole I was just climbing out of?? I have been so good! But...maybe not... Why must I fixate on what I am "supposed" to do instead of what I should do? Why am I frantic? When will my hormone rushes get under control? When will I feel rested? What if I am incapable of working hard anymore? What if I go completely crazy?????????????

Well, let's see... I can't answer all (or any!) of that stuff up there! But I can (kinda!) control the crazy part...by taking responsibility for myself and (as Geezer pointed out) letting my running save me (if I will let it.)

There are 6 weeks to go until Boston. I need a vacation before then. I seem to have run out of run... Yes, I will be heading down to office hours on Monday to ask the coach what game plan I should follow. Time to start over. Stella (Julia) wants her grove back dammit.