Freedom To Be a Rogue

What??

2009-08-14T05:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, I haven't blogged in awhile and this is not even about running. It is about football...which I must admit I do not follow closely... All I can say is that there are billions of people in the world. If we think about it, talented football players are (like all of us) a dime a dozen. And yet, there are those among us that think it is just fine to support and watch a penis breathed asswipe like Vick the Dick. Kill a few dogs??? Ok kids, lets admire this dude. What is next? Reformed pedophiles???? Get a grip country!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boston post #1

2009-04-22T15:13:00.000-07:00

Not ready for a race report yet...madly studying Physics (well not at the moment but mostly I am...) Besides there are some great ones posted already - Mike's is brilliant!! Just had to say that Boston was beautiful. Great city, good food, chilly but good weather, and wonderful team mates (and John!!!) to spend my time with. The Boston course is perfect for us. Our training is very compatible with the rolling course. And boy, the crowd support is like NO other. What a great race!!

That said, it was the most painful race that I have ever done. (Personal...nothing to do with the course!) By mile 4 I lost control of my left leg and by mile six I had stabbing pains up and down that leg. By mile 13, I did not know how I would do another 13 miles. I ran (never walked!!) the whole time concentrating on breathing through the pain mile by mile...and then minute by minute. But, bitching and moaning aside, my legs managed to keep striding all 26.2. I owe it to 3 main things:

Steve telling me that I seem to pull out miracles at weird times
My supportive teammates and the wonderful throngs of Bostonians
My own adaptation of Emil Zatopek's saying "Today I can die."

This course may think that it kicked my a-- but actually it just fired me up to come back next year. Congrats to all my Rogue buddies!

I love my car...

2009-03-25T16:27:00.000-07:00

The driveway to my house!

A closer view...

They were big suckers!!

I saw the storm coming and it was BLACK (and kinda green...) I was hauling ass home from the barn on this little winding country road with the wind blowing and rain pelting my windshield when suddenly the Heavens opened and threw pounds of hail on me. The road turned from asphalt to ice in a second and my car went skidding across the hail balls totally out of control! But good ol' Sabrina (the car) stayed straight and grabbed a tiny piece of asphalt to slow down and stay outta the ditch. I drove (SLOWLY!!) the rest of the way home with hail the size of ping pong balls beating the Hell out of me. Got home and Sabrina looks like she may have weathered all that without (I hope) any dents! (From Physics I have learned that moving through the hail is better than stopping!!) So, my car seems to have saved me AND still maintained her beauty...cool. I can't say the same for the plants out on my deck...poor naked little things...shredded leaves...

An old Irish Blessing...

2009-03-19T05:40:00.000-07:00

"May the road rise up to meet you..." came true for me this morning on our run on Shoal Creek.

So...St. Paddy's Day is over, to heck with Irish blessings, I am going with a Lily Tomlin quote:

"The ROAD to success is always under construction."

Ain't that the truth???

Wheels on the Bus go Round and Round

2009-03-15T14:23:00.000-07:00

...instead of falling off again!!

Today's run wasn't easy or fast but it was SO much better than last week. Already, my body is responding to the days off and the decrease in mileage. By the time I reached the track (after 20+) I felt ok and Steve let me run the first two MGP miles. The plan had been to run none of the track miles so I was relieved to run a couple and listened when he told me not to run any more... I feel like I can go to my weight workout with a better heart tomorrow (saving my next short run for Tuesday...)

Since I have also been instructed to stay on the trails once a week, I can say that part of my better mood today can likely be attributed to my run on the trails at Rocky Hill Ranch yesterday. Nothing like running in the mud and then downing mimosas and migas with friends to clear the head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PogKE70oC4

Last night, before I turned in, I watched this "old" Pike's Peak video made by Dan Keitz for our Rogue 2006 Pikes team. I have said that I love to run because I love to compete...and that is true...but this video also reminds me of the childish pleasure I get from romping around with my friends too... Check it out!

Over the mountain!

2009-03-13T10:20:00.000-07:00

Well, Steve told me to trail run more this summer so I went ahead and signed up to run the 50K at Lake Tahoe in July. Check out the picture! It just looks like a good idea!!

Da Plan! Da Plan!

2009-03-13T08:50:00.000-07:00

Basically 5 weeks to go until Boston and I have cussed and discussed my plan with my coach. I now have a new "let's get through this round of sh-t (again)" plan. Ok, I am good with that. A plan is a plan. No goal for Boston...just run. No fall marathon!!!! (This could be reinstated) Run for fun at Jemez in May and H2C in August. Aim for Boston 2010. Ok, I accept (kinda wholeheartedly) this challenge. The challenge of maintaining a forward focus dictated by my body, my hormones (I guess,) and my overly active brain.

My Plan:

Keep up with the weights 3x a week. (probably need a visit with Mark about that)
Keep my weekly trail run going.
Cut mileage in half or don't even think about it...just get my 20 long in each week.
No quality.
Cut running days to 4 or 5.

I am not disappointed about this new plan. (I was the last time we did something similar) I am relieved. I was scared to take a non running break (I already took 4 days and thought I may need longer) because I am already grumpy and fatter. But I have felt so bad in everyway on every run lately, it was getting to my psyche (you noticed??) and making me really lose sight of any joy in running. So, I look at my new plan and I am relieved. I know that all the "no this and that" is all negotiable. And I think I may actually be able to find some balance with this more compact (I won't say smaller!!) effort.

I have put hours, months, and years into horses that I patched up on numerous occasions throughout their training. No matter what the outcome, it is always worth it. In the words of T.S. Elliot:

"Only those who will risk going too far, can possibly find out how far one can go."

That said, I am headed out to run a little in the mud tomorrow morning and then I will be seeing my team at Sunday's Soul Buster II for my 20 miles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not so Green!

2009-03-12T06:04:00.000-07:00

41 degrees, raining, blowing... I drove a 62 mile round trip this morning (20mpg = $6.00!!) to run 8 miles in 41 degrees, raining, blowing...

As I mentioned in my last post, my dog is naked. So, instead of booting her out this morning and hanging in town until my class starts, I let her stay in and came on back home. She was kinda perplexed but is looking pretty smug now while she eats her breakfast in the warmth of the big indoors. Wait...spoke too soon, now she wants out... I bet that won't last too long!

I have a driving day today. School (back to town) the barn (up to Leander) happy hour (back to town) home (Jonestown) Today I am the ungreenest driver ever...

On the up side, it was great (ok, kinda cold too) running with my teammates this morning who were also psycho enough to be out in the elements. Hail (not the frozen stuff!!) Team Rogue.

Uh oh...

2009-03-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

I shaved Emma's hair (my dog) all off and tomorrow's high is 45. uh oh... She comes in at night if she feels like it but generally she lives outside. Guess I better make a "crate fort" to put in the carport for her while I am gone tomorrow. She would have a stroke if I leave her inside by herself... Sonething she would have to get used to if we move into a condo!! Meanwhile Cain, my neighbor's big male rottweiler, (our yards connect) wants to come in but Emma is having nothing of it. She has been out cruising her posts for the last hour and growling at Cain (who can whip her butt by the way) every time he ventures up to the door to ask to come in... crazy dog...

Running on Empty?

2009-03-08T15:39:00.000-07:00

I studied algebra for 8 hours straight today. OMG Sadie, how did you do this??? I was so stressed, I ate a buncha Ben & Jerry's ice cream and I murdered a bee. A bee!! The ones that pollinate our world and keep us from dying! His little body is still on my counter (I killed him by setting the honey jar on top of him of all things...) and I keep hoping he will somehow leap up and fly off.

Anyway, I had to stop and move on to more pertinent things (than my stupid midterm tomorrow) that involved my most important running issues. I have been reading about overtraining for awhile since I seem to be easily prone. Have I not ever fully recovered from the first bout? Dunno.

So anyway, I found this article on some easy focus points for team runners/competitors. It was talking about how successful competitors had a pretty good grip on the three "Cs" which are Challenge, Commitment, and Control.

It was kinda interesting to me because I know that I need a break but I look at that as weak or being a quitter. (ok, stupid I know.) And simplifying it in this way makes me feel better because I have one of the three "Cs" on track (more or less!!)

Commitment to me is a no brainer. I have a goal. I have a huge support group. This is the easy part...and I am sure will be the cork that keeps my head above water for as long as it takes. Or in the words of Rooster Cogburn, "I ain't dead yet."

Challenge and control are...well...kinda outta control. But this gives me more of a clear idea of what to work on. My runs are not a challenge right now. I don't feel challenged...I feel exhausted, defensive, and apathetic. Feel like I am fighting a battle with a sapling twig... time to head back to the castle and sharpen the sword. As for control, I am an emotional roller coaster and one (or maybe two) steps shy of sitting on a rock drooling...can't sleep, only wanna eat sugar, and just all out bitchy. I am thinking that perhaps a round of massages and that mystic soothing music are in order... perhaps a glass of wine. (I've heard red wine will kinda counteract all that sugar in your system...)

I plan on no running for ???? days. I plan on having a new plan. One thing is certain. The goal remains the same.

No Whining!!

2009-03-07T10:00:00.000-08:00

I am over my limit of melt downs so I decided that I better do something else! The only reasonable thing to do is to take responsibility for myself...dammit... Today's run was another trudger...and I resorted to run / walking for half of the time out there. But, I guess I am now listening LOUD and CLEAR to my body and it is time for a redo on the current plan (again.) And why not? Isn't that how we all ultimately figure this stuff out??

Unlike my last (?????) blogs, this one is not to whine or vent. I am writing mostly to remind myself of what I am doing now and how this feels. If, by some chance, any of this makes a connection to anyone else then consider yourself a compadre and use my struggle to "find my own self" to encourage you to forge your own way. In the words of Gloria Gaynor, "I will survive!"

So today, as with Thursday and most of my runs in the last 6 weeks, was very dragging. I actually couldn't even get going enough today to breathe hard. My feet felt as though I was bogged down in deep mud or that my feet were somehow magnetized to the roadway.

My entire gait has changed. There is no bound or thrust. I only feel my quads working to pull each leg a little forward until the shoe skids along the road to stop with a clunk while the next leg is being heaved forward. I suppose this is heavy legs to the max. So heavy that at times I just HAVE to walk for a minute for fear that the leg isn't gonna pull enough forward to keep from falling on my face.

Why am I sliding back in that "over training" hole I was just climbing out of?? I have been so good! But...maybe not... Why must I fixate on what I am "supposed" to do instead of what I should do? Why am I frantic? When will my hormone rushes get under control? When will I feel rested? What if I am incapable of working hard anymore? What if I go completely crazy?????????????

Well, let's see... I can't answer all (or any!) of that stuff up there! But I can (kinda!) control the crazy part...by taking responsibility for myself and (as Geezer pointed out) letting my running save me (if I will let it.)

There are 6 weeks to go until Boston. I need a vacation before then. I seem to have run out of run... Yes, I will be heading down to office hours on Monday to ask the coach what game plan I should follow. Time to start over. Stella (Julia) wants her grove back dammit.

Rockin' Rollers

2009-03-05T17:56:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about my Uncle Harry today on the run. The run was hard. I was having issues...what's new, huh???? I got almost to the end of Balcones and just stopped, turned around, and headed home. (yeah, back down Balcones...I am an idiot, what can I say?)

Anyway, back to Harry, my uncle lived in a little cottage in England all covered with vines and basically invisible...even from the front gate. Harry was a scientist and an author (something about semi-micro organic organisms.) He was a very smart dude. But he hid out in his little cottage. We visited some, or he would forget to eat. He was polite but relieved when we got up to go. Harry was sensitive. He fretted over things out of his control. He was completely distraught over the use of the metric system...no scientist in their right mind would do such a thing... So, was Harry in his right mind? Basically, he got tired of living somewhere along in his eighties and starved himself to death (all the delivered dinners were in the fridge and the closet...)

Ok, so as I ran (trotted) back to my car UP and DOWN, UP and DOWN, I was wondering what in the Hell I was doing out there! Why was I running??? I admit. I was thinking that this was ONE thing in my life that I should be able to control! It is just me and the pavement! I buy new shoes (a lot!!) I eat well, try to sleep enough, go to the gym... I have such good friends and such an inspirational group to run with. I chat and blog away to everybody! Yet, it is out of my control.

And that drives me crazy!

I've thought about this...I run because I love to compete. I love to see what I can do. I love to win. With running it is so raw. It isn't about the horse or the tack or the judges... it is about YOU. I like that.

I keep getting passed. I keep fading out. I keep pounding the ground harder and harder. I am out of control... I even considered blowing off Boston this year.

But, right about that time Angie came by and invited me to run the rest of the way in with her. Got to the Springs where my friends were and was unable to hide in my car or run off cause everyone was all chatty. Got to the coffee shop and had a "how are ya" text from Brenda. Guess I will see everyone on Saturday. What the Hell, who needs control?? Livin' on the edge...

White Bird

2009-03-03T13:17:00.000-08:00

So this afternoon, I left my Physics class and headed out onto Lamar to venture homeward. The wind was blowing like crazy. While I sat at the light to turn west on 6th Street, a white bird flashed by my car and sat down on the grass next to me. It was pure white and beautiful. I noticed that it was a dove, and not a pigeon as I originally thought. The lovely face and slim neck was illuminated by its bright color. I immediately decided it was a girl and wondered where she came from...unusual to see white doves flying about here. Then I remembered, it is my mom's birthday today. And in my own weirdo little way, I guess this was the gift she sent to me. And as I drove along, the song "White Bird" by Its a Beautiful Day played in my head.

"The sunsets come, the sunsets go.
The clouds roll by,and the earth turns old.
And the young bird's eyes do always glow."

Happy Birthday Mom...

Warhurst Was Work!

2009-03-03T09:09:00.000-08:00

I ran within where I should have so I guess that works for me! Still battling hamstring cramping and fatigue issues but my girlfriends kept me on track...

1 mile (7:20 - 7:50 pace) 1200 at 10K (5:24)

7:34 5:10
7:35 5:15
7:43 5:17
7:40 5:25
7:45 5:25

So... I did stay in my range and I am pleased about that. These are not as fast as the Warhurst from the past (haven't run this since Performance Project) but probably faster than they would have been last fall. It would be nice to say that I ran like most of my buddies and had much better times but it is what it is! I am proud of everyone's efforts and times this morning and I am happy that I get to keep pulling off of all their energy!

Happy Trails!

2009-03-02T15:54:00.000-08:00

Sunday was a fun trail run...down in the trees away from the wind and with a buncha friends! Big breakfast after at Waterloo totally hit the spot.

This was COMPLETELY different from my Saturday run where I could barely move. After that run (another "run of pain") I came home and double dosed on Calcium/Magnesium. Whether that was the magic bullet for Sunday or not time will tell. All I can say is that I ran without the debilitating cramping that I have had for 3 weeks. Hmmmmmmmmmm.........

And I bought new shoes!!! Real purdy blue ones! Great day!

Wonder Of It All!!

2009-02-28T12:39:00.000-08:00

This is Audrey... A 1989 Mercedes 560SL...you may have seen her this morning. She is what I want to be. Older, but a classic beauty. And when you hit the gas petal...she is a rocket!

The repeated attempts (and successes) of my squirrel buddies to jump onto the bird feeder are truly amazing...running Spiderman up the wall, super squirrel leaps from the potted plants... unreal. I have increased my squirrel food lay outs today (it is cold and windy!!) because I understand needing a little perk now and again...

My own repeated attempts at getting my running grove back are seeming more and more Herculean as the road blocks just keep on a comin'. I have added & subtracted miles, googled, relaxed, and whirlpooled. I have gymed, Happy Office Houred, blogged, and Meredithed. My last resolution was to work on sleeping and I have had some successes at 7 and 8 hour nights in the last couple of weeks. Still, I cannot seem to recover.

So... while maintaining my watch items above (and buying NEW SHOES - which are certainly a necessity,) I have decided to toy around a little with vitamin or mineral supplementation. Been there once before... with a little iron depletion so I know some things are indeed necessary. I don't actually know what I am doing with this AND I know you can cause yourself some problems with this but damn... don't have any other ideas at this point!!!!

Since having the flu (or whatever) a month ago, I have had a UI (TMI!!) and now have an abcessed tooth. SOMETHING is going on with my bitching (and not in a good way!) body!!! All my running in this month has been a test in pain management...cramping, fatigue, etc... I don't think the health issues are the cause. I think it is the other way around. So, after much research (again!) I am contemplating Magnesium supplementation. If any of you have any input on that I would be interested.

There is a lot to learn about one's own physical body. Geez!!! I won't even attempt to figure out my mental side...don't have that many years left for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just trying to be like Audrey...that's all...

Sleep my Pretty! Sleep!

2009-02-20T06:42:00.000-08:00

heh, heh, heh, heh... Is what the Wicked Witch said as Dorothy walked through the fields of poisoned poppies. No wonder we all have screwed up ideas about sleep.

Last night I got 8 hours! No Hospice patient today either so I am lounging about drinking a really good Americano and NOT doing my homework. Gosh, maybe sleep makes you sassy. Is that a bad thing? I don't think so.

To Thyself Be True...

2009-02-19T13:57:00.000-08:00

Or just know yourself. My comment from Steve this morning about my upcoming birthday (on Soul Buster day no less!!!!!!!!) was that maybe this would be the year (or decade) that I learn how to train effectively. So after the tempo run this morning I went to him and told him what I should have a week ago... I am exhausted. At first I thought it was just from being sick (and I am sure that did not help) but he (once again) pointed out how easily I overtrain. "Don't go back down in that hole you were in," he said to me.

So...dammit...to Hell...here I am thinking about how to get unexhausted. I am not pissed (well, not too much) but why does my body send me no clues until I feel (in the words of Seba) like I have been beaten by angry, drunken midgets wielding large wooden mallets???? Perhaps, as I have heard before, I don't listen?? So... next mission in my training education (the last one was LISTEN to the coach) is to try to listen to myself.

I am a horse trainer and riding teacher by trade... I have been at it for SO long that I am confident and good at my job. I always try to revert back to that thinking when I run into these stumbling blocks in my "new athletic career" as a runner. So I thought about my horse training methodology. And, despite the fact that most horses are more self aware (and perhaps smarter) than I am, I just considered the application.

7 tips to training:

Know horses
Know YOUR horse
Get its attention
Reward and Punishment
Repetition
Consistency
NEVER lose your temper

So I thought about this and applied it to myself. Know about training runners. Know about ME. Pay attention to ME. Realize that it is ok (and necessary) to rest. Don't repeat stupid things, do repeat what works. Be consistent in training for the big picture and stay in focus on that. And, as for never losing your temper...to thyself be true.

So today I am sore, tired, and pissy. But maybe this is the warning I have to listen to. I am not who I was yesterday and not who I will be tomorrow. I am not any of my team mates...no matter how much I feel connected to them... I am me and I am responsible for my own training which has to be special for me. As a kid, I got bucked off many, many horses and always got back on. As I got older (and kinda smarter) I figured out how to not get bucked off (since it hurt more than it used to!!) I am gonna run like that...I am gonna try to minimize hitting the dirt as much as possible!

Time to go now... I need my rest!!!

Darwin Day

2009-02-12T06:59:00.000-08:00

It is Darwin's 200th bithday today...and about 150 years since he published his "Origin of Species" book with his theories of Evolution. I find this quite interesting for two reasons... first of all, 150 years is not so long ago, about a lifetime and a half...second of all, I was raised (with a strong set of morals) but completely devoid of any type of religion. I was introduced to many world religions in my travels - both as a kid and as an adult - but my homelife never included any indoctrination into one. So...CNN's article on Darwin states that their independent poll on the subject shows that only 14% of Americans believe in Evolution. I find this fasinating and I wish it wasn't such a politically incorrect subject to discuss. Just the fact that this surprises the Hell out of me, tells me that I still have a lot to learn about human nature. Another topic for the long runs?? I dunno. Have we evoled enough emotionally to discuss subjects like this? I can't help but be curious...respectfully curious...

Slogging good time...not!!

2009-02-07T13:06:00.001-08:00

Today was my first run post fever and chills week. I did 10 miles of the long run and it was pretty yukky! So much for having fresh legs from not running all week! I think my body fighting infection made me more tired than any of my training! Anyway, it was not pretty (or fun!) but I got through the gale force winds to do it. Hopefully I will have a little better "sea legs" before the marathon next weekend. I am still hacking like a smoker but it is better. I have to say... I was never sick this often (or this bad!) when I did not eat meat. Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

School has also been busy for me. Math sucks (still) and I am trying to get through it without shooting myself. The only upside is that it makes my Physics class a little less painful (at least that isn't ALL math.) And I am sorry Sadie...I know you think math is cool. Ugh... I like poetry.

Two more weeks til my birthday. I was planning to do a big shindig but I haven't had the energy for it... esp. now that there is a mandatory Soul Buster that day! I am gonna be 50 this year. That seems a little weird still. I mean, I am ok with it and stuff. And, I know that it really isn't THAT old but... I just don't really know how it happened! Last thing I remember I was about 19! Anyway, just thinking about it. Downside...my dad died at 62. Upside...I am in a new age group now :)

Looking forward to next week and getting back to normal...whatever that is!!

Missed Workout

2009-01-31T06:48:00.001-08:00

I did not do my long run today. It feels weird... I rarely miss a workout. But since our Thursday workout, I have been sneezing and wheezing. Finally last night I had to resort to sleeping most of the night in a chair, pumped full of Benedryl and Pepcid (it is an anti-histamine too!) Around 3am I was finally able to lay down and keep breathing at the same time. The alarm rang at 4:15 (a reminder that I was going to miss my time with my friends) and I shut it off so I could sleep for another few hours. Already this morning I am sneezing so I am wondering if it is headed back into my lungs. I am getting really tired of this! Never have I had such allergy problems! Certainly, I have never had the whole lung shut down symptoms until the last couple of years. Maybe I have finally just become allergic to Texas... Guess I better start a savings account for a visit to the Allergist...

Flying!

2009-01-23T09:36:00.000-08:00

No, I am not talking about how I felt after taking on the hills yesterday...and I am not talking about HOW I took on those hills either (although it wasn't half bad!!) I am talking about my little animal neighbor friend... a squirrel.

Now, I like squirrels (and I know that Ken does too!!) I enjoy watching them and how acobatic they are. BUT...they do steal food from the birds. Bad, bad! I put food out for them of course AND I put different food out for the birds in a little feeder. I have hung the feeder in trees at all heights and angles and have found nowhere that the squirrels can't raid it. I hung it on the house, under the eaves so they couldn't just slide down the roof (yes, they've done that too.) After much trial and error I finally found a spot that worked for a week, until they figured out that they could hand on to the window screen with 2 toes and reach just far enough out to grab the hanging chain with their little hand. Ok, now I was losing patience.

So I hung the feeder next to the glass part of the window...voila, no more climbing. Then today, a few weeks later, I was sitting on my couch (studying PHYSICS!) and suddenly, "BLAM!!!" the spinning feeder with a squirrel securely attached to it rammed into my window! I yelled at him to get off of it and he gulped down a couple mouthfuls of BIRD seed and jumped off. Stupid squirrel. Soon, "BLAM, BLAM, BLAM!!!" It was happening over and over! The cardinals were pissed. I was getting a little perturbed. My window was vibrating from the repeated impact and yet the squirrel pressed on. (He should be on our team!!) So, I put my books down, got up, and went outside to survey. This is what the little thief was doing:

He was jumping from the chair back onto the feeder... a good 4 feet. I moved the chair. The cardinals jumped on the feeder. And, the squirrel is in the tree screaming obscenities at me...just waiting for Ken to run by...

Team Work

2009-01-21T05:19:00.000-08:00

Mike, Claire and I did 7 easy miles from Barton Springs this morning. We missed Katie and Brenda, who are under the weather. It was chilly - not as much as last week but my car temp read 34 when we got back - and my face kinda froze on that last stretch of Barton Springs. I didn't wear my thick gloves this morning and I should have. I think it is a bit colder around the springs. Regardless, I really love meeting up for runs on Wednesdays. Here it is... 7:20am and I am at the coffee shop, I've already sucked down one Americano, and I am working on my homework (...or blog...) I am glad my team mates meet on Wednesdays!

Went to Happy Office Hours last night to clear up my schedule some. I fully expected Steve to tell me that I was nuts to be trying for 70 weeks. Instead, he has me doing two 75 mile weeks! Oh boy! I feel like I graduated or something. Steve is still very pumped about our team training and well...it is inspiring. Then, I asked about how to run ATT since it is just a training run. I was surprised (again) that he told me to go for 3:45 - 3:50ish and to go ahead and run hard at the end. Just when I think I know what he is gonna have me do, he up and changes things. Like I said, I feel like I have made one step forward (instead of my gung-ho way of heading "two steps back")

It is also nice to have such a wealth of knowledge from my team mates at Happy Office Hours. Steve told me that I was an idiot to be doing the breast stroke in my sad attempt to cross train by swimming. Jon (Mr. Swim Pro) just looked on and said "oh yeah, kills the knees..." Wow, how did they know my knees have been hurting since I started??? Then we talked about nutrition some. I am always curious to hear Mike's input on this because I know that he studies and practises sound nutrition ideas. (Nutrition is SO hard to figure out and it is SO particular to each person. It is interesting to hear about others trials and errors.) Finally, when I mentioned that my first Physics class nearly melted my brain (for REAL!!!) everyone at the table proceeded to tell me that I was CRAZY to be taking that class and they all gave me suggestions on what other subjects I should take instead.

Several of my team mates have started working in the gym this season. So...I joined along (not to be left out) and I am already feeling the difference (including the knee thing!!) Steve told me not to only concentrate on core and upper body but to also add weigh training for the legs too. I was surprised because I thought that running was enough leg work but apparently not. So out with the breast stroke and in with kicking with the floaty board thingy and using the leg machines. I did get the thumbs up on my warm up (the rowing machine) and I am glad because it has a little fish game that makes you row faster so your fish does not get eaten. Very cool.

So, as unusual as this may seem, I only have one thing to say... Go Team!!

14 today

2009-01-20T08:44:00.000-08:00

In my build toward my 60+ week. My legs feel a little tired today but not trashed. It is nice to just be tired. I have pretty tight hamstrings and I think that is what is causing a little pain in the back of my left knee. All of these things feel like normal aches and hassles so hopefully they will just keep traveling around and being little nuisances.

Showered after the workout and hung at Progress to study before class. Think I may need to sit outside next time. It is sure easy to fall asleep while reading Physics!! This semester stinks. All math and physics courses...YUK!!!! Why didn't I do these when I was younger???? I managed to avoid anything math like until now. Here I am a junior and I have these nagging little classes that I HAVE to do. Ugh. I haven't done math since the 70s (no, I am not kidding...)

Anyway, looking forward to my soak in the hot tub (oh yeah, and my weights and swimming) at the gym this afternoon. Then it is Happy Office Hours for me... got some plans for Boston!!!

Old Times, New Times

2009-01-18T11:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had a nice run...almost like old times... We had started off for a 16/18 mile run from Rogue and as we chatted along I mentioned how I felt like I was a better runner these days despite being a slower runner. Most of our group was feeling more confident about their skills as well. Our team training is doing what it is supposed to do I guess!

Spring of 2007 was the last time I could remember having any good runs and yet... my running feels better lately and suddenly more controlled than ever. I am still slower but feeling like running is more like home and less of a fight. Yesterday I accidently ended up with 20.5 miles (I took an alternate route) and did the last 10 from a 7:45 to a 7:35 pace. It was comfortably hard, probably faster than I should have pushed it, but it felt more right. I was pleased with that. My friends are all running like champs too and it makes me proud of all of us. Like I said, kinda like old times...

So today I did my recovery run with John out on the greenbelt. I have to say...the cedar pollen was HIDEOUS!!!!!!!!! There were CLOUDS of pollen blowing everywhere and we ended up sneezing and wheezing! Hopefully this disgusting stuff will blow out of here soon! But...other than that, I got what I wanted...some running time that is not on the road.

This is my plan for the new times ahead...hit the trail once a week. It is awhile since I've run the trails much and I feel very dorky picking my way around out there. I can feel the different muscles working and stretching. I believe that I need that. So, NEW purple Vasques in hand (or actually, on foot) this is my new addition to training. I think we shall plan a breakfast club on Sundays... early morning trail run with breakfast after... We've done this the last 3 weekends (I do count Bandera) and I am enjoying it. Hope some of my buddies will join us??!!

I love coffee.

2009-01-15T14:08:00.000-08:00

Especially really good coffee! I drank so much Pete's coffee in California I think I burned an ulcer in my stomach! But...it was worth it.

So... I am trying to cut down on this favorite vice of mine. You see, the average woman (let's hope I am not too average!) loses 10% of her bone mass during menopause. Great. And, coffee does leech some of your calcium...damn. Also, caffeine causes a huge low blood sugar problem (which, of course, I am already cursed with as well) because it makes one resistant to insulin so you get a blood sugar rise and then CRASH! (This one is particularly important now that I have to be awake after my coffee break so I can go to school) This being thoughtful about one's health is a pain in the butt...

On the upside... I actually am having less blood sugar spikes, I am eatinga few less sugar cookies, and I have lost a little of the 10 pounds that I need to shed.

Also...did I mention that I LOVE this weather???!!! Winter! Real winter!! A chilly run this morning on those St. Ed's loop hills! Day off tomorrow and ready for it. I have been doing the FOMO thing and I have joined the gym like so many others have. I have gone 4 times this week... Just a little core and upper body, a little swimming (floating while moving my arms and legs,) and some good ol' hot tub soaking...ahhh.... getting closer to that 70 mile week...at 55+ this week. Cool!

PS. Saw Cindy Schlandt at the gym and she was as lovely and sweet as ever. Says she will be back to the team in a few weeks!!

It was 26...

2009-01-14T06:05:00.000-08:00

Yes, 26 degrees when I got back to my car after our run this morning! I had lost my head band and my ears were cold!! But boy...do I love this weather compared to the sweltering heat we had this summer! And, I am not alone. Lots of runners were out and about this morning! I really like adding in the "group" Wednesdays. Great idea Mike!! It is so natural to get up at 4am now anyway. I might as well get out the door... much easier to do with my running "peeps." Just another great benefit of our team! It is sometimes kinda scary for a woman to go out alone in the dark...so this group run makes Wednesdays SO much nicer!

I am aiming for a 55 mile week this week. Carefully moving up 5 miles per week (after my initial 19 to 45 jump.) The 50 last week went ok and I am certain that the 55 will be ok to get through. I am a little sore this week but I think it is from the Bandera 25K I did over the weekend. There were LOTS of hills and rocks. My left thigh was bothering me again but I rolled and rolled and rolled it out on Monday (yes, I like to do ALL my rolling at one time instead of spreading it out over days!!) and today it feels better. I am still planning to run my Sunday runs on the trail so I continue to work on ankle and core strength and just more flexibility. It was very evident to me at Bandera that my road running has made me less flexible and adjustable. Besides, I really want that pair of purple Vasque trail shoes...

NEWSFLASH: Boyfriend John won his age group at Bandera as well!!!! In the 50K no less!!! I better get on the trails again or he is really gonna leave me in the dust!!!

I have extended my running to six days a week this session. I did 5 days a week last session and still had recovery issues. I think we are all stronger now however...including me...finally!! I was talking to Bruce about this the other day (since we are both older classics) and he said that he did 6 days a week during base building and went to 5 days a week when the speed work started. Seemed the speed work required a little more recoup time. Sounds like a good plan to me.

I start school next week so I am really tightening my schedule up. I had to move all my riding lessons around and thank God our runs are all early. I am a little stressed over affording Boston (otherwise I would cut some lessons out!!) but more stressed about ALGEBRA!!!!!!!!!!!! I do not have a very mathmatical brain. Give me an English or History class any day!!

Anyway, I am trying to stay commited to my New Year's Resolution of learning to SLEEP as much as possible. I got a new LOVELY and WARM and SOFT blanket for xmas that is my sleep blankie to encourage some peaceful slumbers. (Everyone that saw it at Bandera was SO jealous!) So, I have added this to my training regimen...in bed by 9 at the latest!! Any ideas on how to teach your body to go to sleep are certainly welcome!

Hope everyone has a neato peachy day! I love chilly weather! Woo Hoo!!!

Great Idea!

2009-01-07T13:09:00.000-08:00

Well the FOMO (fear of missing out) got the better of me this morning and I got with my girlfriends, Claire and Katie, for a run from Barton Springs! This is a great idea! We did 6 easy miles...meeting at the standard 5:30AM...and were done and on our way by 6:30.

It is pretty easy (relatively speaking) to get up at 4am again since you've just done it the day before. And, since the mileage is short, I do believe I can do this and get back up north to teach at 7:30. I will just keep dry clothes in the car. The horses don't care if you stink.

We are planning to meet at BS on Wednesdays (like the train dudes and dudettes) and start running by 5:30am. Some may also want to meet on Mondays...gotta get this mileage in somehow.

My thigh hurt so much yesterday that I made an ART appointment for today. Of course, it didn't bother me today for the first time in a month!! So...I did not go. I rescheduled for next week in case it comes up again during the Bandera Trail Race this weekend. Maybe the thought of spending money on more pain has cured me!!

Thanks to Claire and Katie for a fun run this morning!! 3 good ones in a row!! woo hoo! That is enough perk for at least the next month of training!!

Just try...

2009-01-06T07:50:00.000-08:00

...to love the little things in life; like running in the rain. (Hinder)

Wet and wonderful run this morning with the team! Temps were in the 40s. Plenty of water stops. New team members!

I ran 12 miles this morning in my build toward 60/70. Trying for 50 this week after a 45 last week. Tempo is much steadier as I start this training and I stayed between 8:15 and 8:45 this morning with an easy effort. This makes a couple good runs so far... that hasn't been the case in a LONG time!

I have a weird little ache in my left thigh which does bug me some but I dunno what it is so I will just run with it. Ruth thought I should visit with Carmen about my biomechanics and Steve thought I should get some massage/PT work done. I think those are both great ideas!! I try not to worry/think about it since I do NOT plan on being sidelined AGAIN this year!! Guess I better think about it enough to take care of it!

Many of the team are doing "outside" runs as small groups on Mondays and/or Wednesdays. I kinda like that idea. Brenda and I were talking this morning about how it would be easier to just stay on a schedule of getting up and running early during the week. I agree. Of course, I actually work (sorta) on my "off" days but I still think I may try to get in to town for an early run regardless. Sure makes it nice to have company and to get it done first thing!

On that note... think I may hit the team forum later and come up with a Wednesday plan! Lovin' life today... after running in the rain!!!

2009: Be your own inspiration!

2009-01-04T10:18:00.000-08:00

"Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it" Charles Swindoll

Often times my reaction to my road bumps (or mountains!) in my running training in the last 18 months has been to be mopey or detached. Luckily, my determination to maintain my friendships and "Rogue Athlete" status has kept me getting out of bed at 4am to get to my workouts...no matter how crappy they were. And, luckily again, my coaches AND my friends have supported (or cast eyes away!) as needed.

As we enter 2009, I am feeling pretty good about my upcoming training. Steve told me to come up with a generalized 3 year plan for my running goals. Cool. Long term goals. I have actually "graduated" from idiot runner status to someone who may be able to make "real" long term goals. With these long term goals in mind (especially the one about hoping to PR a little bit at a time) I hope to eek my way along in my training. And, I am formulating a plan for 2009.

My plan for 2009 leaves room for any further road bumps that I may encounter...and I really am unconcerned about them...they are just 10% of life, right?

My plan is to continue to build up my mileage. (It sure works doesn't it team mates???)
My plan is to get a stronger core by hitting the gym or pool again.
My plan is to sleep more...bed earlier...less coffee!!!
My plan is to convince all my older girlfriends (and myself) to take CALCIUM to ward off those brittle bones we all get as we age.

And my plan is to not half ass these things (I swear it Ruth!!) no matter what road blocks jump up.

So I drove up to Rogue for the long run yesterday morning... what a crowd of runners!! I ran with new friends and old friends. I ran alone. I ran toward my 45 mile week as I build up to a 60 or 70... I got done and met John and my fellow trail running buddies for breakfast. I thought about all the energy I had around me all morning... the road runners, the trail runners, and my own. I thought about our training group starting up again this week and how happy I was that some old friends are joining us again. I thought about the Bandera trail race coming up, Boston, Oregon, new shoes...!!! And amongst all of this activity I was reminded that it is not really so hard for "one to be one's own inspiration" when there are so many inspired people around you...just look around.

Winter Wonderland - Texas Style

2008-12-23T08:58:00.000-08:00

Nine miles with Steve and some of our team mates around Town Lake this morning. It was crisp (33 degrees) and had a xmasy (new word) kinda mist in the air. Great weather for an easy cruise. I ran with Angie, who is recovering from strep and an abcessed tonsil. That knocked her right down to my pace and I was glad because she is good company.

Been thinking of my office hours visit yesterday and decided to concentrate on building up my mileage to 60 per week. I have been encouraged that I have gone a few months now with no major injuries, etc... My build up for CIM was only able to be at 45 to 50ish but even that was huge for me as far as feeling a little more strong again. Office hours are very helpful to me since it keeps me (sorta) from running off "half-cocked" and putting too much on my plate. One thing at a time...

Missed you guys that weren't there! And, excited about seeing some of my buddies from Pike's Peak '06 joining our team for 2009!! Happy Holidays!

Boston Spreadsheet?

2008-12-21T20:19:00.000-08:00

I found this Boston Marathon pacing spreadsheet while I was surfing "negative splits at Boston."

http://www.box.net/shared/75o3rqgty9

Anyway, I downloaded it and it didn't blow up my computer or anything. It is pretty interesting to look at with all the maps, elevations, and time calculations... at least I thought so.

Did a 4 mile easy around TL this afternoon. It was pretty breezy but I was glad to get out. My legs aren't back yet but if I don't get on a running schedule soon I might die from insomnia. It is 10:30 pm right now!! During training time I would have already been in bed for an hour and a half!! Besides, I miss the company!! Hope to see y'all on Tuesday morning for our pre-xmas holiday run... or at Office Hours... whichever suits your fancy! Happy holidays!!

Emergency!

2008-12-18T19:35:00.000-08:00

What do broke people do who have no health insurance? Well, they sit in the parking lot of the emergency room at North Austin Hospital (the best and cheapest BTW) in hopes that the triple amount of benadryl they just took will knock down this little allergic reaction that is closing down the lungs. Gee whiz. I did not do my run today dammit because I decided that a tiny little bit of exedrin would be ok to swallow to alleviate an ocular migraine. (It is hard to shop when you are blind.) Apparently not. So, when the doc tells you that you are allergic to ibuprofen and that may mean you are allergic to aspirin as well… believe them. I spent two hours in the parking lot of the hospital today waiting for my face to start becoming less swollen and my chest to stop wheezing. Where is my Epipen shot?? Still packed in my CA luggage at home! I miss national health care… sigh…

What I learned:

• If you are allergic to ibuprofen, stay away from aspirin as well. (in other words, listen to the doctor)
• Always try to run in the morning before I do anything stupid to sideline myself.
• Always have your Epipen shot with you.
• Vote YES on National Health care
• Google “how to get rid of an ocular migraine.”
• Carry benadryl that is easier to open.
• AND, thank God for Team Rogue training because I can go quite some time with no oxygen…

On the UP side...

I LOVE the weather today. Foggy weather is a favorite of mine! Dreaming of werewolves, witches, and scary things in the forest!!!

CIM Report

2008-12-15T19:07:00.001-08:00

I am glad I waited a week before writing my race report. I like to digest for awhile. I had some good food, great views, and a couple of fun trail runs through the California wilderness last week. I am rejuvenated.

I went to CIM knowing that this was not my “A” race. I didn’t really know what that meant. My first race (Austin) was decided on in some drunken (yeah, I used to do that!!) moment at Carlos and Charlies. My next two races were Pike’s Peak and Eugene with Rogue. And, my mission in those?? Run hard, don’t die…or do…whatever… So I guess that was my idea of an “A” race… run hard, don’t die. But this was not to be my plan at CIM.

CIM was supposed to be my race to start learning to run smart. A year and a half of drag ass runs and races had pounded me into submission. Steve was right. Stubbornness and the ability to endure pain were not key in meeting my goal. I had to deal with stupidity. (You really MUST read Ruth’s post on half-assing things…it is so good) I did run CIM “smart” and I owe this to all my team as well as my PATIENT coaches.

From the onset, I was supposed to run at a 3:40 pace with my wonderful group of Brenda, Katie, Jon, and Michael. At mile 19, Steve said it was every man (and woman) for themselves. Other than the usual nagging aches and pains and stiffness, the 19 miles clicked off as they should have and we were very regular.

I ran just at the front of my team and as the miles plugged by I began to notice an interesting phenomenon. Every time I naturally hit the gas and sped up, my team naturally slowed down. What was this??? I was curious. I debated each time this happened and finally figured out that it was my natural reaction to speed up when I began to feel labored. My team conserved. We did this for 19 miles. Soon I relaxed into this ebb and flow…still not really knowing where my pace felt comfortable but settled enough to ask questions about gu and salt consumption.

At mile 19, I felt fatigued… too much thinking!!??!! I was doubting my ability to run in with negative splits. However, as I passed Steve I was just behind the 3:40 pace group (having caught them here just as Steve said we would) and Steve yelled at me to catch up to them. Fatigue gone…I had a mission.

And this is what I love about running. It was like a horse (ok, somewhat crippled horse) being let out of the barn in the morning. Freedom! Michael took off and I got the green light! We both wasted the pace group within a minute or so and started our charge to home. By mile 20 I had settled into a rhythm and that old familiar feeling of “run hard, don’t die.” The pain in my hips was sharp as hell but as I passed my bud Michael he urged me on…fuel…

My last six miles were all negative splits…the last one being almost 2 minutes faster than my MGP. I loved the “countdown streets” and it made it even better as I ran for home. I heard my team yell for me as I rounded the corner to the finish and I had a good kick left to run on in. I had knocked down 5 minutes in my last 6 miles to come in at 3:35:05.

I felt good. Of course I was tired…but I was not too beaten up. I ran 6 miles on the trails in Muir Woods on the following Tuesday with just a little discomfort on the downs. But best of all, I was happy. Happy to be running with so little aftermath and with so much sense of confidence that just maybe I am going to figure this all out one day.

Things I learned:

I need to know a lot more about nutrition. I did take a gu and a salt tab before the race. I took 3 gus and 1 salt tab the entire course. I don’t think it was enough but it was all my stomach would take. I think you have to train your body to eat that stuff.

Plus…I’m fat… not the bon-bon couch potato fat but the “got a little too comfortable in the fat jeans” kinda fat. I am 15 pounds heavier than when I ran Eugene. 15 pounds!!! I can fool myself that it fills out your winkles but basically I just need to step away from the cookie bag more often. Sadly, I am an “easy keeper” as we say in the horse biz. Somehow, 10 pounds has gotta go…

Having runners around you that you are familiar with is a huge help. It was fun and inspiring… we all know a little of each other’s stories and that feeds the energy. I am so thankful that my buddies were there to witness my crappy runs this summer (sorry guys!!) for it made me want to prove to them that I was ok now…I could do my job thanks to them dragging me along all year.

For me, for now, carrying my small hand held was SO helpful. I am very cup challenged and only manage to pour water up my nose if I try to run and drink from a cup. Instead, I STOPPED at the water stop, filled my bottle with 3 or 4 cups of water, and then passed 3 or 4 stops before I needed water again. This was very helpful to me as I could drink on the move and when I wanted.

I think negative splits are a good idea. If it doesn’t work, then it probably wasn’t going to anyway. The kicker is knowing what speed I should do on that initial 20 miles of "warm up." I had energy to burn at the end…of CIM with some mildly debilitating soreness creeping in. What does that mean?? How much faster should I try the first 20? Steve tells me that I am “greedy” and that I need to put in the work before I count on much faster races. What about Boston’s hills at the end? Are negative splits still the ticket there???

I am enjoying my rest from 4am mornings and I am gearing up for diving back into school (and MATH…gross!!!!!!!!!!!) this spring. But I will not half ass my running. I plan to keep learning. Lydiard rocks. I plan to build my mileage up more as I am now feeling stronger. On to Boston. Go Team Rogue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Friend Katie!

2008-12-12T20:50:00.000-08:00

Found a beer for you!

(Inside joke you guys...hahaha)

Another easy??

2008-12-11T20:45:00.000-08:00

10 miles today...quite by mistake!! John and I were running along the beautiful CA coast and suddenly we were 5 1/2 miles from the car!! Some was trail (with benches overlooking the sea like this one I plopped down on!)

And then some was boardwalk along the beach...Here is John running back to see why I am taking so long!!

Tomorrow is Big Sur!! Vacations are fun!

The Tuesday after...

2008-12-10T20:20:00.000-08:00

Did a six mile EASY in the Muir Woods with John!

And then ended up here for the evening... Of course I miss you guys but vacations ROCK!!!

No on PR

2008-12-07T13:23:00.000-08:00

But YES on PRoud!

My race plan did not include a PR. It was about learning to negative split and I totally nailed it. I kept my 3:40 pace (pretty damn regular too!!) until mile 19 as per coach Steve's instructions and then...

All in the sevens with the LAST mile at 6:31!!!!!!!!!!!!

I imagined running in the soul buster where we all ran on the track after the long run and I really thought, "Piece of cake..."

Was it painful? Duh. But not really until mile 23. What a change from my last marathon!

And what of my race buds?? They were awesome!! Keeping my head out of my a-- and holding my pace was a breeze BECAUSE OF THEM! What an incredible team we have!

Today I feel good...like I may actually figure this racing thing out some day...

Support

2008-12-06T16:14:00.000-08:00

Looking forward to the run tomorrow. Our team is confident. Steve and Ruth are running a great show! My honey, John, is here:

And my running buddies are ready to roll with me:

Jon, Brenda, me, and Katie... ain't we cute?? Run, party, vacation... totally cool!

I have a goal...

2008-11-30T10:46:00.001-08:00

So I went to Steve's office hours on Tuesday. This was fun. Lots of folks were there (10 at my last count) and I hated to leave although it was my granddaughter's last swim lesson for the season and I had to go watch! Everyone was pumped about CIM and I think a little surprised (amused, bewildered) when I asked Steve, "Well, I guess I really need a goal at this point...ideas?" Yeah, we are a week out at this point. No, I do not think this is how things should be done. I was relieved that Steve told me (and the dumbfounded listeners) that CIM was not my "A" race. First of all, it made me feel like less of an idiot and secondly, it made me more determined to listen to my coach (whether I like it or not.) Glad I went to office hours.

So my goal time of 3:40 (which Steve agreed to because my training buddies are aiming for this) is actually faster than he planned for me and slower than I planned for me. I planned on 3:30 (20 min less than my original plan) and he planned on under 4:00. Wow... a 30 minute difference of opinion. So we talked and bantered and finally he came up with 3:45, which got shortened to 3:40 so I could hang with my buddies. Of course, to this, Steve added that I would be lucky to do this AND I was NOT to even think of trying to speed up until mile 20. An 8:20 pace for 20 miles. ok....

So, I thought about this for a day or two. Did Steve tell me this to get under my skin and make me want to prove him wrong?? Was this supposed to make me frustrated so I would try harder? Hmmmmm. Or, was he trying desparately to coach me? Is this my chance to show him that I really can listen? That I am indeed coachable?? I deliberated for a long time.

And I came up with this. Steve knows my personality. He knows that this is likely to piss me off so I run as hard as I can. He has seen this side of me. He has also told me repeatedly lately that I do not listen. I know that he likes athletes that take responsibility for themselves but I also know that running stupid frustrates him. He IS the coach. Perhaps I should prove to him that I can listen. It doesn't mean that I have to do it all the time but shouldn't I show that I can also be a good "student?" Shouldn't I make it more desirable to put time and effort into his coaching me?

Steve tells me that I will likely never run a 3 hour marathon. Maybe not, but this pisses me off. It pisses me off enough to cloud my judgment at times. I am not young and I am an inexperienced runner. I do not have time to waste in pissing matches with my coach. My chances of coming as close as possible to this goal in my lifetime (not next week!!!!!) lie in my ability to run smart. I already know that I can suffer...this is a non issue. It is focus and concentration that is my weakness. And I believe I need to learn this. I believe that Steve (and my Team Rogue buddies) can help me learn this. This is my only chance to run my best... show my coach that I can be more... and show myself that I can earn a goal by something other than a hard head and an ability to ignore pain.

So, my goal is out there for all to see. It is in print for me to see. Am I a coachable athlete? Is it so hard to stay at a prescribed pace for 20 miles? Is it possible for me to turn OFF the greyhound and turn on the brain? I look at this as having to swallow my pride. Why is this? What difference does 10 or 15 minutes really make? And yet, my running buddies know. I guess that is why I don't feel quite so stupid writing this down. My goal is to show my coach that I trust his judgment. My goal is to qualify for Boston (4:05) and to stay at my prescribed pace for 20 miles... more or less after this. Aren't we supposed to learn to have a negative split here? Isn't my goal to be a team player if I am a member of our cool team? Isn't my goal to be a good runner if I am spending time and dollars each month to learn how to do this? My goal is to stick to my goal.

3:40 pace group to the 20 mile marker. (CHECK)
Qualify for Boston. (CHECK)
Listen to the coach. (CHECK)
FOCUS

This may be the hardest one that I have done yet...

Learning

2008-11-20T10:19:00.000-08:00

My legs were tired today...no excuse, I did not run yesterday. I think that may have been my problem. I should have run yesterday to shake them out. I have been worried about getting sick again. I got over my last sick bout and now my allergies are crazy!! Don't wanna pull all that stuff in my lungs! Anyway, I planned to do my 6 1mile loops at a pace of 7:15 and ended up with 5 of them around 7:00 pace (thanks Jon!!) The one I actually got right was one I totally concentrated on and tried to run more relaxed. Steve has told me that I am bad at maintaining 1oK pace (the do or die attitude again) so I want to try to learn to do it. Why? I dunno. I guess so I can say that I can. And then, who cares? I will most likely run the way I am made to...balls to wall...

I am one who seems to always learn things the hard way. Getting older has perhaps helped somewhat but I still yam what I yam... Focus is so important but so often it eludes me.

There is so much to learn in life that my brain is on constant stimulation overload! I am bombarded everyday with things I do not know or things I do not remember or things I want to rethink or, or, or... Why can't I turn off NPR, google searches, my penchant for Barnes & Noble, ranting, discussions, etc???? I don't feel much smarter than yesterday but I've read, written, debated, and discussed most of my waking hours. I can't wait to start classes at the University in the spring. At least I will HAVE to focus on these. (That all important GPA ya know.)

So, today I ran one of six in the time that I was supposed to. This may seem like a silly thing to be anxious about but I am on a mission (be it ever so slow.) I wanna learn all of the methods that one practises to be a good runner. I wanna learn about my weaknesses so I can overcome them in this decade. That's right. I wanna cut my learning time in half by slowing down.

HUH??? no, no, no... Not slowing down as in "no Boston qualifier." I mean slowing down in the sense of shutting off the extracurricular brain once in awhile and learning to focus.

I am encouraged. I remember a day about 5 years ago (this is kind of embarassing...even worse that I am sure you guys won't be too surprised) that I realized that I could have more than one emotion in a day. Now this may seem stupid (ok, it is stupid) but I really had no concept that you could be happy and sad in the same 24 hours. I just woke up each day and accepted my fate o' the day. Then I figured it out (ok, I went to therapy...haha) and was overjoyed to find out that not only could I have multiple daily emotions but - in being a girl - it was a totally accepted practise! Very, very cool. This means (to me) that I may actually be able to focus on my workout (say running 10K pace) and then still be my same lunatic the rest of the day. Somehow I find that very relieving and uplifting.

Onward through the fog! Focus 101 - and becoming a better...no, wiser...runner.

Awesome!

2008-11-17T17:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had the pleasure of driving to San Antonio with John and fellow team Roguer Roger to watch our team mates running in the Rock n Roll Marathon. The parking and viewing opportunities were pretty good and I got to see several of our runners at mile markers 8, 10, 21, and the end.

At 8 and 10 everybody looked pretty fresh and strong. On the drive to mile 21 we had to drop off a specator at mile 16 and we HAD to stop for snacks because we were starving! So...we missed Kevin and Ramon buzzing through but managed to get there to see Kristen come trotting through like a little filly on her way out to play in the pasture. With the exception of Larry and a few others coming by after Kristen, most did not look so chipper. Soon we saw Cheryl coming and I swear she could have been skipping along singing, "la, la, la..." She looked truly like a happy little smurf trucking by. Then Angie appeared with the same easy gait that she had at mile 8. She flashed that same big smile and wave and bebopped on up the road.

We waited a bit longer and got to see many more souls trudging by. I have to say that our team mates looked like A MILLION BUCKS compared to most of the crowd. What a huge inspiration it was to see them looking SO GOOD!! Everyone had terrific times as well so I hope that they are as proud of their performances as I am!! I swear even Steve was walking around all puffed up! And rightfully so! We rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miles To Go

2008-11-15T19:31:00.000-08:00

Thirty miles today. Hoo boy...

I haven't posted in a couple to weeks because I was in a bad humor. (yeah, for two weeks) I had been feeling better with my running after such a long time and thinking that I could actually get through all my miles at CIM. Had a 22 and a 24 under my belt with no walking. Then I got sick...just for a week but damn...I took the week off and then ran the next week but felt terrible. Ran with Katie last weekend and could not even go 20, I had to cut it off at 15.

Now, I know that isn't the end of the world but geez...I was so discouraged. I haven't felt good in such a long time that I really wanted to keep that feeling that I was coming through all that. Anyway, I had a really hard time keeping the self pity at bay all week with rough, trudging workouts. whine, whine...

So today I nervously planned to do 27 with my buddies, knowing I could turn around if I needed...and wondering if I could make the longer one of 30. Sure enough my buddies carried me through the whole 27 miles. (Don't ya LOVE our bunch???) And, after downing my 4th GU I decided that I could make the other 3 miles on my own. I left my girls at the turn for home and did my last 3 on my own on the trail and up Waller. 30 miles total. Nerves settled. Confidence re-pumped.

Anyway, today I was AGAIN reminded of how lucky I am that I am a part of such a great group. From how much I missed my work outs when I stayed home, to how sweet everyone was when I came back but was kinda puny, to how running with everyone today kept me motivated. Now, it is time for me to go to bed so I can hit the road to SA in the morning and cheer for more of my fellow Rogue friends...knowing I likely need them more than they need me!!

Rogue Halloween Party

2008-10-31T04:13:00.000-07:00

There were some groovy costumes there last night.

But Joe was the most beautiful...

Do I smell smoke??

2008-10-30T12:16:00.000-07:00

The Burn... 400m at 10K & MGP for 10 miles. Thank you Cheryl for keeping me on track (and on the track!!) I am slowly feeling better and getting somewhat of a stride back. Cheryl and I rocked on our paces.

The MGP laps were between 1:57 and 2:01. (a 7:48 to 8:04 pace)
The 10K laps were between 1:43 and 1:47 (a 6:52 to 7:08 pace)

I would have to say that Cheryl looks to be ready to hammer her goal in SA. It was nice to run with someone who is steadier than me and who noticed that we were at the 10 mile maximum... THANK GOD!!

New shoes! Asics Hyperspeed 2. I got a little blister on the bottom of my foot but I think I had some gravel in there. So what...that was fun. Still, perhaps I should buy more shoes... hmmmmmm. I do love those Zoots...

Annual Halloween Poem

2008-10-30T06:43:00.000-07:00

A Horribly Horsy Halloween
by Julia Wolffe 1998

I heard it through my bedroom window, thunder in the night,
It was 10pm on Halloween and gave me such a fright!
First very faint, then louder, louder to a deafening roar,
Then just as quickly, it was quiet and I heard no more.
I lied there silent in my bed, straining to hear a sound,
I fretted an hour, tossed and turned, watched the clock go round.
Then I thought I might have heard it, the tap of hoof to earth,
Should I go to the window? What was knowing worth?
I waited longer, sure I heard a bump here and there.
The window curtain slightly lifted from the cold night air.
And then the noise that beckoned me, a nicker deep and low,
It had to be horses in the dark, summoning me to go.
Oh so quiet, there I walked, to the window sill,
I focused my eyes to the black and stood very still.
Jet black horses, there they waited, for me to get out of bed.
Long curly manes, hooves like knives, eyes of dark, blood red.
I never hesitated but out I ran, barefoot and alone,
The horses turned and gazed at me, eyes as dead as stone.
And in an instant they spun around and disappeared in the gloom.
I stood bewildered in the light that drifted from my room.
I was afraid but could not go in so I sat down in the grass.
Listening and shivering in the cold, I watched the moon drift pass.
I fell asleep and in my dreams I saw them once again.
Dark black horses with blood red eyes, haters of all men.
And in my dreams I could not tame them no matter how I tried,
I followed them with a wishful heart until it broke and I died.
It was still dark when I awoke and it took a moment to see,
That the black horses with blood red eyes stared down at me.
I jumped to my feet and tried to scream, remembering the dream before,
But instead the noise that I made was a stallion’s roar!
Gone were the tethers of my human body, I galloped to join the herd.
I bucked and reared and leapt around with the freedom of a bird.
I never looked back as we raced away and I never was again seen.
I live with the black horses with the blood red eyes who came on Halloween.

Half Halt

2008-10-28T11:21:00.000-07:00

Ok, who am I to bitch? (last post) My patient today is having a hard time breathing and understanding why she still is...

This morning I got to have the wind in my face, the company of my friends, and the use of my legs...be they ever so dragging. Not so bad for this day of mine on earth.

Besides that, one of my kids (and her horse) just won the Area Championships this past weekend. Check out this awesome photo:

http://www.photoreflect.com/pr3/photocard.aspx?pc=59230C2E1D5B2EFB60DCF9CA08EF2C47

It is an awesome day!

Hills were Hell...

2008-10-28T07:56:00.000-07:00

Damn, and I like this run...

I was finally feeling a little fitter on my long run on Saturday. Went out for a little 5 miler last night and felt fine. Got up this morning...cool weather YAY!!! My warm up miles felt fine but then I got to Stratford... Now, I actually like Stratford (in a masochistic kinda way) but this morning was not my day. I fizzled out on the FIRST hill and never really got going. I did both loops, I ran ok on Lake Austin, but my hill running was NOT running...it was kinda a shuffle. My stomach was a little on strike this morning so I did skip breakfast. I am sure (and hoping) that this had something to do with my slogging. It wasn't anything in particular...just no get up and go. Thursday I will be choking down my oatmeal (yuk!) at 4am whether my tummy wants it or not...

How the Body Glides.

2008-10-25T12:21:00.000-07:00

I never had to use body glide when I first started running. Midway through Pikes training I learned its usefulness in protecting sensitive underarm skin from the sports bra...all good.

Well, I don't know what it is lately but I have needed to use it for some of my long runs...a little on the arms, a little on the thighs, and once near my shoe tops. Ok, I am cool with that...except today...I forgot it. Needless to say, this turned out to be one of those "need it" days because for whatever reason, my inner thighs (sorry, maybe TMI) turned to sandpaper. Yowza! So, I came home and figured out how to get in the shower after losing a layer (or more!!!) of skin. Now I will share it with you:

From the baby department (thank you granddaughter June) I grabbed some Desitin (yes, it is stinky) and in the most brave fashion, I slathered it all over my missing skin areas before hitting the water. Hey, pain management is for running...not for showering or bathing. Takes a while to wash this off but man, was it worth it!

Issues...

2008-10-23T10:49:00.000-07:00

My Lord... a poll on CNN asked people which issues were the most important to them in the coming election. These were the top 5 (in order)

Economy
Health care
Terrorism
War in Iraq
Illegal immigration

What the Hell? These are important BUT without EDUCATION none of them will ever be fixed...

CV workout

2008-10-23T05:52:00.001-07:00

I really love (most of the time) running on the track. The track is a whole new "pain" experience and one that I thoroughly enjoy. The soft surface takes away all the aches in the legs and hips. It is pretty hard to get lost...lose count maybe but lost, no. It is far easier for me to feel tempo. I just watch the white line going by and imagine rolling... The "pain" experience is the burn of the lungs. I kinda like that. I feel like I am blowing out all the dust and pollen that I have gulped down on my outdoor job. Very cool.

Today was 4 x 2000 at Eastside track...15K (Critical Velocity) pace. While I am still in a quandry as to what that is for me...I was careful to listen to Steve telling us the benefit of the exercise. This is not too fast or slow, just enough to work with a little oxygen debt. The pace is one you are supposed to be comfortable running for 45 minutes. Mine went like this:

set 1 = 7:11 pace...a little quick
set 2 = 7:18 pace...better
set 3 = 7:17 pace...cool
set 4 = 7:11 pace...I actually felt good

I was "supposed" to be somewhere between a 7:25 to 7:45 pace for this one according to my anticipated marathon goal. But, I do believe the pace was good, even if it wasn't quite on target. It felt right. I am so glad that I am starting to feel better. I added my 100% iron cereal back into my diet a month ago. Could this be helping??? Who knows? I've got my sights on Boston...

Rest of the story...

2008-10-20T13:08:00.000-07:00

Palo Duro 50K. I get so wrapped up in the cerebral side of things I sometimes forget the "nuts and bolts" stuff. Anyway, I did start my run career with trail running and I did it almost exclusively for my first year. I have noticed that some of my team mates still toy with it... Mike immediately comes to mind, among others... It makes sense to me that it is a useful tool. It jostles you around a little more and tends to loosen things up. It encourages you to find that sense of proprioception that helps you to be more aware of your body moving through space. It encourages you to be more light on your feet by the addition of sprain threatening stones and roots. It really works your feet just by your movement across the undulating ground.

Palo Duro trails were a little muddy, a little sandy, a little rocky, a little hard packed, a little cracked... lots of change with nothing too severe. Most trails were relatively soft from recent rains. The climbs and descents were enough to be interesting but not enough to labor you. The race was smallish... about 200 in the 20K, much less in the 50K, and even less in the 50 miler. I believe under 500 people total. It was still a bad idea to start out in the rear of the pack as there were many strolling type run/walkers who were just out to enjoy the hike. It was pretty impossible to pass at first... the 50K/50 mile bunch started in the dark and were forced to use head lamps to see the trail. The possibility of cactus in the grass off of the single track trail was strong. No wanting to run in that!! The first loop was only 6 miles so we were all able to ditch our lamps and grab supplies before heading out on the longer loops. The cool bite in the air lasted most of the morning although the canyon on the back side of the course got hot once the sun got high... I could see how this could have been horribly hot (as it was last year apparently!) Even this year got some heat exhaustion victims, despite the fact that the aid stations were plentiful and very well stocked. On the flip side of that, the nimble, experienced trail runner boys blasting past me to run the 50 mile run looked like deer as they galavanted over this pretty forgiving terrain. And, hot as the back side got, the last miles in amongst the trees along the river (part of the Red River starts in this region) was shady and soft. There was a bit of a fight with the local bee population as the day wore on... who can blame them??? Coke, m&ms, and snickers...c'mon, it WAS bee heaven! They weren't too aggressive, you just had to make sure you didn't eat or drink one! And lastly, the volunteers were awesome. The head race director, "Red" had died just the month before so it was quite emotional for all of them. They were SO thankful that so many runners had come.

Anyway, my feet were sore from the changing landscape but I believe the workout and stretching effect was good for them in the long run. I am not ready to head back to the trails full time yet but I hope to keep enthused about doing some of my base building work on the trails. I do believe this stuff gives you a core strength like nothing else. Your buddies love pulling up the lawn chairs out there communing with nature and waiting for you to come in. And the well liked recovery beverage of choice seems to often times be beer. That is good for your hair, right?

Palo Duro 50K

2008-10-20T10:32:00.000-07:00

Gee, it was great to see how well my team mates did at the IBM 10K when I got home from this race. I am looking forward to joining everyone for our next race outing!

I did my own thing with my boyfriend John this past weekend. We both ran in our first 50K at Palo Duro Canyon in the panhandle. Weather was GREAT!! 40s in the morning and 70s in the afternoons (although race day probably hit 80s. It was a long drive (8 hours I think...John drove the whole thing!!) but it was so nice to have the RV to camp in. We stayed at the canyon and enjoyed the scenery, weather, lack of traffic AND cell phone reception, and the great company of fellow runners.

I held on to my race plan for this race...no racing, no Garmin, just do the mileage. I was a little worried about the mileage since I have been having issues with anything above 16 miles and I have only finished 3 20 milers. But, Steve told me to walk it if I had to...just do the miles. I had the perfect day for sticking to plan. I started out at the back (and in the dark!!) for the first two miles but realized that this was not the place to be when one of my buddies told me that the walk/running thing that we were doing had taken 35 minutes to go 2 miles!!!!!! So, we carefully (cactus!!) passed the pack of walk/runners and hit a steady, quiet pace. I stayed at this pace the entire last 29 miles and concentrated on relaxing, ignoring the pain in my feet, and just staying steady. I took my time at the aid stations and thought about what I was eating and drinking. I managed my calories pretty well. I hung out with an over heated runner for a little while. I tried to envision the canyon 100 years ago. It was long but I did (finally) a substantial bunch of miles and was no worse for the wear...

So, this was a good learning experience. I showed myself that I could listen to Steve AND I could relax and think about what I was doing. It was weird though. I know that all of us should try to experience all sides of something if we are to learn all the lessons that we need to know. I thought about this on the way home.

A relaxed "race" is a foreign concept to me. What is relaxed and what is indifferent? I know that I need the lessons of relaxing into my moment or my race pace but will I just get complacent...until I suffer from boredom??? What is this no man's land that I am in?? I am so happy that I completed ALL those miles but knowing that I did not compete seems weird... as if my race was still somehow incomplete. I did not even look at the placings... my old lessons of "you either win or you don't" ever swirling around in the depths of my brain.

Again, I want to learn all these lessons RIGHT NOW because I am impatient. I want to know that I can learn to relax at speed like so many of my buddies are learning to do. I want to know what MY speed is. I want to win. I want, I want, I want...

And then I think about the moment at Palo Duro, on the canyon side of the run. I slowed to round a corner and looked at the red layers of rock on the magnificent canyon wall. I thought about my run on Pike's Peak, when I ran alone above treeline and in my oxygen depraved state felt as if I belonged with that mountain. In that moment, I felt very connected to the strength of that mountain...and I ran home strong and fast.

I think that this is the relaxation that I am searching for...not a lethargic ho-hum kinda run but a joyful kinda run. Somewhere in the last year of injury, menopause, and just plain being a psycho I had lost that place. What I didn't realize was that I wasn't lost at all... I was just progressing along as I am supposed to. Peaks and valleys... just like running the rollers...

I spent last night looking at all the different "practice" marathons that I could run around the country. I plan to keep on rolling...

Not so Dead Zone

2008-10-15T08:57:00.000-07:00

It is interesting that I have had a lot of discussions about death lately (and NO it is not from any of our work outs!!) Buddy Roger's mom is sick, my girlfriend's dad has pancreatic cancer, another girlfriend's mom died last week, buddy Ken has lost loved ones lately, and I am a Hospice volunteer...my patients usually don't see another 6 months... We even discussed death at office hours last night. Just shows you that it is a real part of life.

Obviously, I am often surrounded by death and I have been for years...losing friends and family many times in my life so far. But it was the death of my mother, almost two decades after my father, that gave me my understanding of it.

I won't go too deep into my reasons for joining Hospice. Suffice it to say that I think that someone's death is a very sacred and important time in their life. Unless the death is sudden, the time that someone is approaching their death is ALL about them. I am honored that I get to spend final days with people. Regardless of how they handle these days, this is the time that they are most human... most humble, most fragile, most alive... Some times I wonder if the grueling long runs that we do are my version of coming as close as possible (in a healthy way!) of feeling these feelings of human fragility and strength.

Fragility and strength... hummmm... aren't these the deep qualities of love???

My other understanding of death came when my mother followed my father in death and I was left an "orphan." My family is small and other than a niece, nephew, daughter, and granddaughter, I only have two living sisters. They are older than me so that puts me 3rd "in line" on the end of life scale. All these things kinda make you wonder about your mortality. It makes you wonder what your own life has been about. It can make you feel small and alone...until you realize that your daughter has your eyes or your friends use one of your favorite sayings or your students talk about traveling the world... and then you see your immortality right in front of you!

And I thought of this. And I realized that my parents (and others I had lost) were not dead either. All of those that touched my life were all inside of me (and by this were passed on to others.) I am the greatest gift to them because I do not let them die. And they are the greatest gift to me because they have made me who I am.

I will be running (I think!!) the Palo Duro 50K this weekend. I will call on my mother for stubborness and my father for humor. I will run on their merits and live on their strengths. I will just add a little of my own chutzpah on the gifts that they gave me (and continue to give me.) And then, I will come home and tell EVERYONE all about my adventure. Ahhhh, immortality... ain't it grand??

Don't ya love 200s?

2008-10-15T07:14:00.001-07:00

I am still a green enough runner to actually enjoy running around and around on the track. Maybe it is comfortable because I am used to riding around and around an arena...or maybe I just enjoy how soft it is or the games I play going around and watching the white line on the track (you probably should not even ask...) Anyway, I did plan on really holding my 5K pace on the workout yesterday but I ran my sets faster than my MGP would indicate I should. So, in my effort to learn and become less green I went to office hours and asked Steve about it. Did I goof up and set my training back 6 months???? (ok, a little over dramatic...) Steve was ok with me enjoying my "speed" in our workout. His directive: If you run your sets faster, just make sure you can hold them all the same with a similar effort. Ok, I think I can do that... I just gotta pay attention...

Stupid is as stupid does

2008-10-12T16:09:00.000-07:00

And I don't believe that I did anything stupid on the Soul Buster II. Is that possible??? I am trying a new thing...listen to the coach... It isn't that I do not listen to Steve. I think Steve is the greatest ever!! But I like to listen to what I like and disregard the rest. I have spent a lot of time trying to prove that I can skip stages in my running training. But, it caught up with me and now I am committed to listen to Steve (and to Katie reminding me to listen to Steve!!)

At one of the office hours a while back Mike asked me why I was running after listening to my diatribe on everything that was wrong with my running. I thought about this question for about a week...maybe longer...and I deciphered out every good thing that was a given - my running friends, scenery, being fit, etc. I thought about pure, basic, raw... the act of running. I realized that my reason for running was the same one that got me into it - running makes me feel alive. Breathing, sweating, heart beating running...so alive.

So I thought about this as we all set off on Soul Buster II. Steve had set up a little change in my workout (seeing how I had only 2 20 milers under my belt and still feeling kinda rough.) So I enjoyed my buddies until the 16 mile turn around and then (with a little guilt) watched them head away to run longer. I went to the track and did 2 miles at MGP, 2 miles at HMGP, and then a cool down. No 10K miles and no jog back to Rogue (since John picked me up at the track.) I had that pang of guilt as my girlfriends set off to jog back to Rogue and that little old feeling of inadequacy started to creep back in.

I went over to say bye to my coach before I headed off with John. Steve was all excited that everyone had run SO well and he actually looked kinda proud. So I sheepisly told him that I did what he told me to and that I did not run the 10K miles. I felt ashamed somehow. Then, in Steve fashion he said, "Well good, I knew you weren't ready."

I looked back on my buddies about to run to Rogue as I walked to the car and I thought of how proud I was of all of them too. What an awesome bunch of runners!!! Then I thought about what Steve said and I realized that when he "knew I wasn't ready" that it did not mean that I was a failure. It just meant I wasn't ready YET. I did the workout that he layed out for me. I listened!!! And, I ran 22 miles without having to walk or whine (too much!) I ran the hills, I ran the track, I did what I was supposed to do.

What that means to me: I belong in our awesome group of runners. Very cool.

Boo Boo?

2008-10-09T14:48:00.000-07:00

And I am not talking Halloween here or about some little bear that hangs with Yogi. Did I mess up this morning or what??

I mean, I am happy that I did my paces close to what I wanted AND I stayed pretty regular without checking my pace on my watch. (I had my Garmin on but have switched off the “lap pace” setting so I can’t monitor myself while running.) So tempo wise I did it “naked” and it was pretty good. Take a look:

4 400s @ 1:41, 1:46, 1:47, 1:44
2 800s @ 3:36, 3:36
1600 @ 7:27
2 800s @ 3:39, 3:32
4 400s @ 1:44, 1:45, 1:44, 1:41

Yippee ki yay on staying kinda regular! That said, here is my question. Was I supposed to use my 10k pace according to my MGP according to the calculator calculation and then just divide it up myself into 400, 800, and 1600 times??? I did not do that. Instead, I went on the McMillan Calculator and looked (after punching in my marathon goal on the first page) at the times that were down for long distance runner speed workouts since it was already divided up into the distances. Looking back, I can see that they are not always what my 10K pace is supposed to be… Uh, I think I just answered my question.

What an idiot. hahaha I am listening Steve…I swear!!!! It just takes a little jolt now and again! 10K! 10K! 10K! Got it…

10K paces at 3:30 MGP (you can’t expect me to just suddenly listen ALL the time Steve) are: 1:48 (400) 3:36 (800) 7:12 (1600)
10k paces at 3:45 MGP are: 1:56 (400) 3:52 (800) 7:44 (1600)
And checking back on McMillan it looks as though these times correspond to the Stamina workout times. Ok…

What did I learn? Listen to the ENTIRE workout description…Use Rogue Calculator paces and do your own math…Steve is right, be realistic about your MGP and don’t try to push the improbable at this stage in the game. I just gotta stay under 4:05 in 26.2 to qualify for Boston…Focus Julia Focus!!!!!!!!!!

About Me

2008-10-08T12:41:00.000-07:00

OMG, suddenly I have a verbal diarrhea (why is that such a vile word no matter how it is used?) of analogies between my horse training (past life) and my running (present life.) Skip all these epiphanies if they bore you but I hope some of you will be inclined to share some of your own with me. Either way, I am enjoying trying to sort out the s--t (no pun intended) that makes me tick.

Kirsten's comment on my previous post elaborated on the importance of "attention" or being present. In looking back, this is something that I had to learn over time in my dealings with horses. It was very easy to demand MY agenda (horses are so giving and easy) and disregard any input from the horse...uh, the one that is actually doing most of the work!! But a sound piece of advice from an old (Xenophon, BC 431 - 350 no kidding!) riding master hung with me: "For what the horse does under compulsion is done without understanding; and there is no beauty in it either, any more than if one should whip and spur a dancer.” And I took that to heart...and I learned to be present with my horses. Focus on that horse in that moment.

Did I apply this great knowledge to myself? NO!!! I didn't have to. I could carefully make EVERYTHING about the horse or its rider. Of course, the horses are quick to show you who you are but that wasn't enough. Between the horse and myself, I was the person I like...friendly, loyal, understanding, a leader, blah, blah, blah. But I did not have to be that way with ME. To myself I could be as rotten and mean and apathetic as I wanted. As long as I could throw a leg over a horse it never had to be ABOUT ME.

Then came running.

So today I did my recovery run over my little 3 mile course at home. I didn't dis myself for only going one loop and I took my dog (she has a heart murmer and I have to keep her slow in the heat) so I would purposely go slow. I thought about how Steve told me that I was not good at this and I struggled to come up with some revelations about recovery runs. I wore my Garmin and started to notice that every time I could feel myself "push" that I zipped right out of my designated recovery run pace. I wasn't doing this for the numbers but for the feel that was escaping me. Finally, I took impulsion (thrust, push, whatever you wanna call it) out of the equation and I do believe that I got a true recovery run...just shakin' out the legs. Wow, first time ever by myself... I think I got it!!!

Now this all may seem pretty stupid to some of you (ok, maybe all of you???) but I am not a good listener (yet.) My method of "being present" in my running was to run until I felt like vomiting and then focus on, "don't puke, don't puke, don't puke..." This was not right. I wasn't "present." I was actually disconnected from my running this way. But today, with my pace steadily in recovery run pace and my head focusing on what that felt like (right down to imagining my muscles stretching and the blood and lymph flowing) well... it was all about MY running...all about ME. And ya know what? That felt good.

Rogue Horses?

2008-10-08T08:57:00.000-07:00

Running allows you more opportunity to evaluate how your past relates to your present. I was hanging with Steve at Office Hours last night and we started discussing my horse training and coaching with regards to my running. At some point I told Steve about my reputation of “fixing” bad horses, early on in my training career… “Oh, send that one to Julia Wolffe. She is good with rogues.” I found this rather funny seeing how things have turned out…I am still around a buncha rogues!! It is also kind of a weird poetic justice that my body has been a rogue of sorts in this last year or so.

Anyway, Steve asked me what I did with my rogue horses. Did I work them differently or did I have a tried and true methodology? So I told him. It came to light how similar this was to a runner working with his or her own body. Interesting… Basically, I followed a path that covered four main directives which had to be done in order:

ATTENTION – this one varied according to the needs of the individual horse. Some were peaceful and others quite violent…depending on just how ingrained the unacceptable behavior was.

(After the ATTENTION phase, the methodology was rather routine for all)

TRUST – develops communication, willingness, confidence, partnership

RESPECT – establishes direction, focus, leadership, a tone for the partnership

WORK – this is the meat and potatoes stuff that creates progress (which boosts confidence and focus) BUT is only possible after the first 3 directives are met. Work is about consistency and repetition (slog and grind) in your training. Work isn’t about instant gratification. It is about earning your way.

So…isn’t this funny how this so relates to our training of our own bodies to become runner athletes??

The idea of being present that Steve has talked about since the beginning of our training is generally the idea of getting the ATTENTION of your brain for your running. It is the ability to quiet all the “white noise” of both outside and internal demons so you can just focus on your body and your running. ATTENTION to the moment in your training.

Once you can do this then it truly is down to the other three directives. TRUST that you will learn this, that you can do this, and that this is what you want. Teaching your body to RESPECT your knowledge. Having your body RESPECT your brain’s decision to go farther or through the pain because experience tells you that you have done it or faith tells you that you can. And finally, just “walking the walk” and doing the WORK required to get the job done. It should be no surprise that to learn to run, one must run. Duh. All of us have to do the WORK to become the runner that is inside of us.

So on my way to the track tomorrow, I hope I remember to think of my responsibility to my training…attention, trust, respect established in the warm up and then…in the words of Steve Prefontaine, “To give anything less than your very best, is to sacrifice the gift.” So what is my responsibility to my training? Once my brain has told my body what needs to be done, I hope to do my best to follow that path and just put in the WORK.

This is how I plan to grow up to be a runner.

Medium Long 10/7

2008-10-07T14:37:00.000-07:00

Did my 15 miles on the South Austin Ramble redo with Nedra this morning. Thanks to Nedra we stayed in a really steady rhythm even though she was having stomach issues all morning! We started out with some scary dude stories and kept that up for a few. But, the weather wasn't nice and cool this morning as we got into our easy/get it done tempos. It did seem to go on forever and at one point Nedra said "I feel like we should be in San Marcos by now!" which I found very amusing. We had lost our other compadres at the 12 mile turn around and were trudging along thinking that we should perhaps turn around at the 14 marker. Then we saw Ruth carefully working her way down the road on her injured leg and were inspired by that. Then we saw our 15 mile runner buddies heading back home and just kept trucking. So we managed to hit the 15 turnaround (although kinda by accident) and headed home ourselves. Getting tired, we slogged up the hill before the church and found Ruth waiting for us with her drunk Irish buddy chatting her ear off. We both found this highly amusing (although I am sure Ruth was a little over it) and it gave us some impulsion for our run back in. I wore my Garmin this morning but did not look at any pacing times...just wanted a mileage log. Plugged it in at home and saw the paces...ugh...but wait, counting in the water stops, lights, and potty breaks we were pretty steady. Maybe one day I will actually be able to do this for myself! Once again, my friends are my inspiration.

Guys? Really...Santa???

2008-10-06T12:09:00.000-07:00

Santa is NOT dead
How can that be said?
He is alive in my head.
Perhaps too well fed,
Fashion a little too red,
By a buncha reindeer led,
Ho, ho, ho all he said,
Sneakin' in when you're in bed,
Drives an ol' sleigh, no moped,
And to Mrs. Claus is wed,
Time to be done with this thread...

Bad, bad, bad you non-believers...

Countdown

2008-10-06T11:11:00.000-07:00

We are getting closer to our ultimate long run for 2008. CIM here we come.

So I like this "treat every Saturday long run as race preparation" thing. This was talked about at our meeting yesterday. Steve said that all of our quality workouts are designed around the long run and making us feel faster but... the long run is the king... don't skip it and do try to mimic what you plan to do (but running at easy pace NOT mgp) in California. So far, I have never really had a real race plan... ideas, yes but a plan, no. Stuff I have tried before is this:

Do not go out too fast (so far a dismal failure at this one)
Squish the cup together to drink your water on the move (dismal failure #2)
Get in a rhythm (getting better)
Get enough sleep the night before the night before (trying)
Have the right nutrition before and after (no clue)

Ok, so I have learned that going out fast does NOT work. Squishing the cup together seems to be a skill that may take me eons. Sleep and rhythm are coming along sorta. Nutrition...ugh...

Going out fast feels kinda good and looks good on the Garmin. But, what I have learned so far in my limited running career is that if you do this, you WILL die out. Patience and an appropriate tempo really is a skill that you have to learn (by doing.) I realize that this is a mental issue for me and that makes it very hard. I have to learn to FEEL and to be able to focus on this feel. I don't think I am too much of an idiot... I really think that this skill is learned by doing and by analyzing what happens with your body on all of your different runs. This will take time AND mileage. (One big benefit to our long distance base phase for sure!!)

Squishing the cup together... damn... why is this SO hard??? Lately I have been carrying the small water bottle thingie ($10 at Rogue) to see how this works. I am considering carrying it in the marathon. It is easy to fill up and relatively easy to carry. It has a small pocket for salt tabs and stuff. It is not as heavy as the bigger trail running bottles. I dunno... I don't like carrying something but maybe???

On to nutrition. I have read, googled, studied, questioned, and gone to Meredith. This is the hardest thing. I think it is a big piece of the puzzle. I think that I got away with sketchy nutrition before because my body was ignorant. Now it knows better. I am working on different things while running and before running nowadays. I know my cramping and (lately) my running out of gas can be improved with the right nutrition but I have a lot of things to learn still yet. I have a lot of questions and love any input that any of you have!!

We have 9 weekends leading to CIM. CIM is on the 9th one and I guess we may taper two others?? So this means only 6 or 7 long runs left before the big day! I see what Steve means now! We have just this many days to iron out what socks to wear, what to eat, when to sleep, and any other "maybes" we may have. Countdown guys!! I need new socks for sure!

Electic Austin Rogue Post

2008-10-06T08:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, this is a running blog (or a running at the mouth blog??) My intention was to write a race report on the Texas Twister Trail Race this past weekend. Then, I played my first wiffle ball match on Sunday and wanted to share that. Then, I enjoyed Karen's hospitality, Steve's speech giving, and Ruth's kitchen skills (!!!) at the Rogue team meeting. And THEN, I read Mike's post on the degradation of the world's wildlife population and now have a mix of anger, bewilderment, and frustration swirling about in my head. So...I have no other option than to put it all in a jingle. (to the tune of John Lennon's "Imagine" and for Pete's sake look it up if you honestly don't know that tune!!!!!!!!)

Imagine a Bryan trail run,
30K you can try,
Joe put together a good one,
Not a person did die.
Imagine shady, soft trails,
calling for your feet...

Imagine grown up people
With us that's hard to do
We played with a skinny plastic bat
And a little plastic ball too
Imagine tempting heart attacks
'cause we just wanna have fun... woo hoo...

You may say I'm a lunatic
But you know you are one too,
We have to save the planet earth.
It is up to me and you.

Imagine all your Rogue friends,
Together in a lovely place,
We eat and drink with our buddies
And get excited about our race,
Imagine what we can accomplish,
because we are a team... woo hoo...

You may say I'm a lunatic,
But you know you are one too,
We have to save the planet earth.
It is up to me and you.

And that is all I have to say (sing) about that. Peace and Love.

A Star!

2008-10-02T07:00:00.000-07:00

This horse was a crappy jumper...

....but he had a great heart. In true horse fashion, he was a follower...obedient, subservient, and willing to take on whatever personality that was demanded of him. I rode my "All American Boy" to an area championship that was really way beyond his natural abilities as a jumper. But he did it because I told him he could. So what keeps me (or any of us) from believing that well in ourselves?? So many lessons we can learn from our pets!!! This horse was the epitome of "I think I can" and it was under my guidance. He believed me when I told him that he was a star...and then he proved to me that he was. How is that for heart?? He died several years ago (an old man) but when I think about it, I do remember the lesson he taught me... if you believe you can then it will happen. Way to go boy!

Rolling, rolling, rolling

2008-10-02T06:19:00.000-07:00

CV workout this morning. I didn't know how it was gonna go but it was ok. How does one do a track/tempo/speed kinda workout when one has NO idea of paces?? That was my concern.

I am one of those runners who struggles with paces. I understand "run until you taste vomit" and I understand (kinda) jog to the workout but I do not understand 15K. To make matters worse, I am a different runner than I was during my last training - ie. different paces again!!! Geez! So this morning I just decided to push a little harder at first since I am feeling quite wimpy on speed. However, I was determined to stay in a non-puke rhythm. This worked but by set #4 I was getting tired and my form and attitude (I am REAL into self-depreciation) started to go to Hell. So, after the first lap I decided to concentrate only on relaxing my breathing...run a 15K speed...what I should be able to do for 9 1/2 miles... My last set then felt fairly slow but this is how it went:

Set 1: 9:15
Set 2: 9:08
Set 3: 9:01
Set 4: 9:13

So basically, just by relaxing my breathing I was able to maintain a similar pace but not feel too stressed by it.

I read "Running Within" by Jerry Lynch/Warren Scott a couple of months ago. It is a good book and talks a lot about attitude and the mental aspects of running. For an ADHD person, who is also very stubborn, it has been easy to agree with the book but much harder to put it into practice. I would much rather just run balls to the wall all the time and not break down. But, that is not how it goes. Balls to the wall is great but I did break down and now I am struggling to reprogram myself. "Running Within" has been a good book to go back to for reference now and again. From treating your fellow competitors as your inspiration (training partners) to learning to RELAX and FOCUS on the moment (and enjoyment) of your run, maybe this book will help me deal with just taking a deep breath now and again. Looks like it worked this morning! Rolling right along...

October Cool (we hope) dates

2008-09-30T11:04:00.000-07:00

My favorite holiday (HALLOWEEN!) is this coming month as are the following:

Oct. 1 = International Day of Older Persons - this is the day that younger people let older people pass them on the track or trail (I am NOT making this stuff up!)

Oct. 11 = Reptile Awareness Day - this is for single women (or men) to discuss the varied patronage at NON-ROGUE personals functions.

Oct. 12 = International Moment of Frustration Scream Day - This is a Sunday... are we running that day?? Perhaps we are frustrated that we are not?? Steve??

Oct. 18 = World Menopause Day - Celebrating at the Palo Duro trail run. Anyone wanna f---ing come with me???

Oct. 25 = Make a Difference Day - Awwwwwww. Many thanks go to Rogue, Keep Austin Running, my friends, child protectors, and puppy adopters.

Oct. 31 = Halloween! THE best party night! However, it is on a Friday (pre-long run) so I guess the celebration will have to be Thursday! Oh for a sugar coma! (Don't look Meredith!!)

Runner Girls at ACL

2008-09-29T18:13:00.000-07:00

All of us got our workouts in before this was taken... really!!!

And beer has potassium and B vitamins too!!

Food! Glorious Food!

2008-09-29T17:02:00.000-07:00

I used to make my poor mom make my batch of chocolate chip cookies without the chocolate chips in them. I never thought that chocolate should be combined with any other food... that was just wrong. (And yes, I cannot stand Reeses peanut butter cups or donuts with chocolate icing. Who comes up with this stuff???) Anyway, that was only the tip of the iceberg on my weirdo eating habits. I don't like a lot of different foods and I love the ones I always eat (over and over.) Variety is for clothes, painting your house, or whatever...just not food.

Running has caused me to reevaluate this food issue in my life. I have found huge problems with digestion, energy, and just getting the right amounts of foods for overall nutritional health. Even as a kid I used to moan to my mom that someone just needed to come up with a really cool "meal pill" that would give you all the nourishment you needed, allow you more outside play time, and cut meal time down to all of 10 seconds and no cooked carrots (which I love now but couldn't even convince the dog to eat when I slipped them under the table.) Thank God Meredith Terranova came along and is working on my runner's nutrition!

Imagine Meredith's surprise when I told her I ate no processed food other than sugary things and no salt. "How do you get your salt/electrolyte balance then?" she asked. Silence. "Do you cramp frequently?" was her next question. "Uh, basically the entire time I am awake." was my answer. Oh boy, work to do, work to do.

I got a list of things to eat and not eat. I got some articles on healthy eating. I was told to keep a food log to see how I was doing. Ok. Six weeks later my food log is two days long. My bad. So, I decided to go to a website that I had used in the past when I was having some anemia issues (yeah, I don't like meat either) and I broke a rib (yeah, I am not a big dairy product fan either.) This website makes the whole food log thing much easier. It keeps tabs on calories, carbs, fats, proteins, as well as vitamins and minerals. You should check it out:

http://www.fitday.com/

So I have been keeping a log now for several days (I got inspired by all of Priscilla's posts) and WOW, what a wake up call. No surprise to me, I eat a little too much fat and not enough protein. Unbeknownst to me, even with trying, I am way lacking in iron, calcium, and several B vitamins. Basically some of the most important nutritional biggies for runners. And I am consistent with my faux pas as well. Well then, time for a change! I am gonna keep this log going for a little while longer and try to work on this.

Ya know, there are so many things in life that are out of our control...even botox only goes so far. So, if I can tweek my nutrition a little to help my body recover or energize well, why not?? The salt thing?? A miracle. I noticed the lack of cramping immediately with just the addition of a few salt pills. See! I knew the pill thing would work!

Avid reader/runner

2008-09-19T10:45:00.000-07:00

I have a TV that sits in the corner of my living room. I don’t like it there and I never watch it. I try to watch TV sometimes…mostly at other people’s houses where it seems to be the center attraction or, if not, a drone in the background that no one notices unless someone turns it off. I sometimes wonder if I should make a point to watch it occasionally just to get a drift of where society is, so I do try. But it is so dumb…

I love to read. My eyes don’t generally cooperate for too long these days so my reading is in spats, like driving some car with a bad clutch. This is dangerous for an ADD type such as myself, for I generally have 2 or 3 books going at the same time. They are often totally unrelated and it is a surprise each time I pick a new one up!

Ok, moving right along…

Despite being sick this week and having my first five mile run this morning, I was, and still need to be, in my base building phase. I am not yet ready for any quality work. This has been a bone of contention for me as I kinda like doing what every one else is doing (uh, except when it comes to TV watching!!)

So I became a little disgruntled about being the oddball. (I think some of my buddies may have even noticed, despite my quiet and demure manner.) I got somewhat of a bad attitude. That’s when Steve told me that I needed to stick some Led Zepplin (the greatest rock group EVER) or some disco (oh, like you never listened to it) on the CD player on the way to my workouts. “Get pumped!” he said, “Stop worrying about stupid stuff.” So I did. But it didn’t work. I just could not shake being the “one who is still behind.”

Back to the books. I decided that I could add one more book to my several in progress and got one that Steve had recommended (about getting your head…well, ya know.) So now I had 4 books that I was carrying about, to be read at any break possible. But wait a minute!! What was I thinking??? For someone with yucky eyesight for reading AND who rides around in a car more than a NASCAR driver, what about (drum roll) audio books??? I am not completely in the dark ages. I have had audio books for long drives. Then I thought…everything I do is a long drive! So I hit Barnes & Noble and I bought one.

I listened to my new book on the way home. And, I listened to my new book on the way to the workout this morning. I thought about how it could be bad to get all involved in my book and how it might make me think about it and disassociate from my running. (What can I say? I’m an idiot.) But, I did it anyway and arrived to my workout totally unstressed. No worrying about running. No freaking out about issues on NPR. Just relaxed and interested. Very interesting!!!! Yes, the car turned off, the book turned off, and I hopped out just in time to join my group as we ambled off from the Rock.

So how cool is that? How could I have forgotten the best method for clamoring into another mystery world when I needed it pre-workout as much as I needed it as a crazy teenager? I didn’t think about my run (or lack of running) as I listened to my audio story. And, just as when I put my books down and get up from the couch to make dinner, I was able to leave my storybook land as soon as the car shut off and go off to play (run) with my friends. Gee, great way to start the day! De-stress, fun run. Whatever works, huh???

Honesty

2008-09-13T12:07:00.000-07:00

I ran into Scott M today after my not-so-successful 18 miler. I told him I had started a blog and was linked to his. We talked about this for a bit. He said that at first blogging seemed kinda self serving and egotistical but he had come to appreciate the fact that it worked to keep him honest (mostly with himself!) I agreed with this take. We also agreed that it was inspiring to read others...a big compadre thing. So blog on we shall!

Ok...working to keep myself honest. What a good benefit of blogging! As I walked (again) the last four miles of my miserable attempt at running this morning, I thought a lot about how dishonest I was with myself. Instead of turning off the alarm and staying under the covers this morning I told myself I just didn't feel that bad. I made a pact with myself to turn around if I couldn't breathe well but ignored this too. I made a promise to myself to turn around at the 14 mile turn around and then decided, "what's another four miles??" I told myself that I had to keep up my long runs or I would not reach my goal...I would fail.

I tried to sneak into the parking lot of Barton Springs so I could jump in my car and run off in my own little misery. Alas, Steve was there chatting with Priscilla, Dee, and Andrea...and he was waiting on me to hobble in. After a brief run down on what went on out there Steve said, "Why must you learn everything the hard way??" Well, I dunno. Here I am trying to afford to go back to school in the next year or so to finish a Social Work degree and what is my claim to fame??? I DON'T LISTEN!!! Great asset! Anyway, the 5 of us talked for a little bit and I had to choke down a little more reality. I have to adjust my goals to real time now (not 2 years ago) and I have to listen to my body...50 is not an excuse, (thanks Dee!) it just requires a little more maintenance. Basically, my running is just going to continue to decline if I don't learn to get my head out of my a--!

I guess that leads me to the proverbial question..."Who am I?" Honestly, I guess I just gotta remember, I am the wolf http://www.animaltotem.com/wolf.html and Rogue is my family no matter what speed, form, or age I am.

Oh yeah, happy, happy!

2008-09-11T13:44:00.000-07:00

I was so wrapped up in my horse/tempo story on my last post that I forgot to mention how much I like being a member of our team. I enjoy all the "Hi Julia"s and my buddies who text or email me when I am grumpy (horrors!) and to those like Patrick that helped me through a side stitch this morning. Y'all rock. Kumbaya Mike...

Tempo running to horses?

2008-09-11T13:16:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what I did on our tempo run today. Steve has me still finding my tempo and I have been stripped of my Garmin...it was making me (more) crazy. I know that my run was not fast but it was still a hard effort for me. I have no idea why I am not "fit" enough yet. I did get a later start on training but damn... So, like Kamran, I have been rather comtemplative this last couple of weeks too and here is what I came up with:

Around about 1969 I rode a horse named Blue Boy in my lessons at a German riding school. I was over-mounted but after much begging, pleading, and negotiating, I convinced my trainer to let me try this horse. The first lesson was relatively uneventful and I was feeling fairly frisky. The next lesson was different. I was bucked off seven times in our one hour ride. Not only were my fellow riders getting mad about stopping to catch my riderless demon charging about but with each episode I could see my time on my prize horse was limited. So determination (anger) set in and I figured out how to hold my outside rein so short that Blue's nostril was rubbing along the indoor arena wall as we moved along. He was unable to spin around and go barrelling across the ring. Case solved. We became good friends and my riding improved.

Moral #1 Stick with whatever goal you have chosen for yourself. It will work out.

Of course, after becoming the kid that "tamed" the wild gray horse, I was then given the next one in line, a big, rotten, black wench mare by the name of Orchid. Come to find out her name had been changed to Orchid from Lorelei (the siren that sang so sweetly on the Rhine River causing all the passing ships to crash on the rocks and kill everyone aboard) Still, I managed.

Moral #2 Learning is a forever journey. Just when you think you have it all figured out, Lorelei comes along.

Luckily with the knowledge (from Blue Boy) that things would work out if I just hung in there I did learn to ride the black beast.

So, my tempo run this morning... not quite bucked off...I am still hanging on to the saddle...

Do I really wanna run on Sundays??

2008-09-08T12:55:00.000-07:00

So I went running on Sunday...after our 20 miler on Saturday (which was my first "real" one since I had to walk the last 4 miles of the one before that) and after fellow (is that the right term for a girl??) Team Roguer Brenda M. and I went out with my boyfriend, John, to see Reckless Kelly at Nutty Brown Cafe that night. (Uh, that is the picture that I included here; a rare moment of clean, non-sweatiness!)

So, anyway, I wasn't too keen about hitting the trail at the "late" hour of 8am on Sunday morning AND the paper was screaming to be read, the coffee pot was the only thing looking perky, and my soft feather pillow was trying desperately to lull me back into dreamland. But my boyfriend John diligently got up to turn off the alarm and then stayed up...damn. Not ever to be outdone, I got up myself. I drove on down to Town Lake in my usual half asleep / half awake stupor but I kept getting buzzed by all these hyper, focused, busy body drivers. What the Hell were all these people doing up??? Oh yeah. It was not 5am.

The trail was swarming with people. Try as I might, it was hard to be really grumpy even though my feet hurt and my hips were stiff from the 20 miler AND some chick let her dog defecate on the trail (more than once!!) The air was still cool (by TX standards,) my stiff ol' legs managed to bend enough to run AND who should pass me by but our very own "black short shirtless wonder boys" lookin' all bright eyed and sassy. I guess it was ok to read the paper later in the day. It was a good morning to go out for an easy...

A new venture here...

2008-09-04T11:37:00.000-07:00

So I decided to jump on in to this blogging thing. Of course, the first thing the site asks from you is to come up with a name. I played around with a few and in my goofing around I decided to look up the Websters Online definition of a rogue. It was perfect. (At least #2 and #3 were!) It read:

2. somebody mischievous: a mischievously playful person, especially a naughty child
3. dangerous solitary animal: a vicious or uncontrolled animal that lives apart from the rest of its herd or group

This is me and this is what my running reminds me of all the time.

I love being a playful, naughty child. It is my nature and running provides so many of the right ingredients. I can trail run through the dirt and weeds! I can be completely drenched in sweat and not brush my hair! I can pee standing up! I can race my buddies! I can run in the road and never use a sidewalk! Running is the freedom for me to be what I love about me!

On to the next definition...a dangerous solitary animal. Running also throws me down the crater of the live volcano known as my darkside soul. This is the part of me that is intensely competitive. It is the part of me that can tear my pysche to shreads if it detects a weakness of any kind. It is what tells me that I am not good enough, not in pain enough, not strong at all. And it tells me I must bear the brunt of all of this with a hard heart and detached mind. Whoa...some heavy stuff...

Thing is, I love Rogue #2. My heart is that person. The more I run, the more I realize that this playful child of mine has to remain a big part of me. It is my freedom. It gives me the freedom to feel how good this feels...how alive this feels. It shows me the importance of taming that dangerous solitary beast of Rogue #3 that would burden me with thoughts of apathy or coldness or inadequacy.

So there you have it. It is all in my name.